Personality Trait

There is something about myself that I cannot stand. I can alienate someone so fast that their head will spin! Not on purpose, but I just seem to push people away and know I am doing it but just can't stop sometimes. There are people that have been in my life for years yet I feel like I just met them and we have nothing in common. I become so standoffish that most will quit trying to befriend me. I am so negative that they just don't want to listen any longer. Can you blame them?

Why do I do this? Drives me nuts. I sit by myself and just watch, feeling sorry for myself because no one talks to me. Or, think that I don't have as much money as they do so I will just sit here and not draw attention to myself. Well, who's fault is it? MINE!

I have had this issue for years but just seems to be worse the last year or so. I justify myself by thinking "I am sick of trying." I know it is wrong. I know deep down that all the "silliness" in my head is just not true. However, I let it stew in my head for days and even weeks until I have put up some defense of protecting myself (in MY head). Any suggestions of how I can change this? It is a personality trait that I cannot stand! I despise people that always feel sorry for themselves and think that everyone owes them. I despise people that feel like you have to make the first move to form a relationship or a conversation. I despise people that talk only about themselves. Sooooooo....why do I do it too? Drives me nuts!

There are times that I am on top of the world and just push my way way through life with complete confidence. So why the fluctuation in attitude? Who knows....still drives me nuts!

Scrooge?

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I have decorated my house like it was a Christmas store. I have baked bread, made cookies, and made candy, until the house reeked of flour, baking soda, and sugary syrup. I have stayed up till all hours of the night wrapping presents that I have so diligently planned for and purchased early in anticipation of the holiday. I have blown fuses with outdoor Christmas lights. I have sent Christmas cards the Friday after Thanksgiving to people we have not seen in over 20 years and don't even know if they are still alive, but it was the season. I was Christmas to all it is made up to be.

This year? Not so much! I could have cared less if the tree got put up and cared even less what it looked like. Thank goodness Lonnie got it all out and Guthri was in the mood to do it all. Lonnie did help her a little but she did about 90% of it. I felt guilty sitting there watching her but not enough to get me up to help. I cringe when I think of baking or making candy. Can't even make myself buy the stuff to make it. Have only bought ONE present. Not sure when I will get the others bought and have no desire to make the effort. Not sure how I will get it done. Christmas cards will be nonexitance this year. I have not even decorated my classroom and not sure if I will! Poor kids!

What is wrong with me? I know part of it is money and things are so expensive this year. My kids have made a list worth a million bucks and part of me feels guilty for not being able to afford their slightest whim. But, we have had tough times before and I just did the best I could and the kids were as happy as could be.... Part of it is that we have been so busy that the Christmas mood has not been able to "set in". There is no time to enjoy the "magic".... Part of it is the competition between kids on who gets the biggest or the most. It drives me crazy to listen to kids tell what they got for Christmas when I know their families are in line for every hand-out in the state.... Part of it is scheduling families so that everyone is happy and no one feels left out or put out. We travel to Brownwood and Fredericksburg, so it over 800 miles and about $300 in gas and expenses. The kids get restless and seem to fight non-stop all the way there and all they way home. Stressful trip!....Part of it is I am tired! Lonnie has been gone so much the last few months, along with numerous meetings and activities in town. He has been MIA for almost three months. So, begging for more family time is just a sore subject these days.

I have never thought of myself as a scrooge but this year I think I fit the mold pretty well. I am not sure how the holiday season will end out but I hope I get a swift kick in the rear-end and it straightens me out. Try to have a great Christmas despite my SCROOGENESS!!!

Who is doing the receiving?

Our church is doing the neatest thing this Sunday. About a month ago our preacher introduced us to the "Fill a Sack" campaign. Each family was asked to take a list of groceries and fill a paper sack to be given to a needy family or person in our community. On Sunday morning, all the sacks will be brought to church and placed at the front of the auditorium. That evening we will meet together again and divide up the sacks to deliver to needy families.

The best part of the entire "campaign" has been the support of our community. Last night at the grocery store I saw several people (not members of our congregation) with "the list" and buying groceries to feed the needy. I heard two ladies talking and were so excited to help out. At school this morning several teachers were talking about it and were very impressed with the idea and wanted to know if they could donate.

We are blessed to worship at a congregation that encourages us to always serve. Our preacher and elders always challenge us to give when it is not easy. What is even better is the impression we continually give to our community. Just by service others are introduced to Jesus. So many times when we serve we feel great for helping and think that those receiving the "gift" are the fortunate ones; however, we that serve are the ones that receive!

Just proud!

Last night I was so proud of my son because he showed character far beyond anyone around him and smiled at himself for what he had done. I wanted to write about it so badly but for whatever reason, I could not get on the Internet. I tried earlier today but the words just would not come. I just read a friends blog about her son's dedication to achieving his dreams and how proud she is of her son. She is a blessed woman with beautiful children and she inspired me to write about Garrett and let you know what a great young man he has become.

I won't go into details but yesterday Garrett helped with the annual ag day hosted by his dad and the Ag Committee. Garrett arrived earlier than any other teen helper. He unloaded heavy boxes of materials. He set up displays. He taught every group that came through his station. He interacted with every kid there and did a great job teaching. He was the ONLY teen helper to clean up. He helped load things for every adult presenter. He unloaded a full pickup of things into his dad's office. He picked up the 4-H display at the museum. He did it all!

Now, this is not about how much he did. It is about the character he showed during all this. Garrett did not complain about the work. He did not sit in a chair and gripe about being tired. He did not resent being the "County Agent's Son". He is always the first to arrive and the last to leave. He is always the one to set up and the one to clean up. In the past, he has done his fair share of whining and letting everyone know how put out he was. But, not yesterday. He worked hard and at the end of the day when he was laying on the couch he said, "You know, today was good. I am tired and my feet are killing me but I think I did a good job." He grinned a little and I told him how proud we were of the person he has become. He grinned a little more. It is just a blessed feeling to know he was justifiedly proud of himself!

Gifts from Above

No...not the gifts that land on your car when you park under a tree!!! I mean true gifts from God. Things you don't ask for, the surprises that come without desire, without need, without anything. They are just there. Here are a few of my gifts:

1) After 19 years of marriage and 15 years of being a mom, Lonnie finally cooked breakfast on Sunday morning!!! Didn't have to ask, didn't even care if breakfast got cooked that morning. He just did it. Awesome!

2) Found $5 dollars in a pocket of my purse this morning. Meant I didn't have to use the debit card to get a drink at Sonic!

3) Garrett so unexpectedly opened the car door to find a grouchy Guthri. He immediately started teasing her to make her laugh. We all laughed and are still grinning. Got her in a great mood and said, "I love it when she laughs!" Awwww......go ahead you know it made you grin too!

4) Got to have my ENTIRE conference this morning to myself! It was amazing....you would not believe how much I got done. Great!

The one gift that slaps me in the face when I allow it to is my children. Parenting can be so frustrating and make you question EVERY decision you have ever made in your life. I am so bad about seeing all the negative and focusing on the constant responsibility or the never ending laundry. Every once in a while (when I allow it) my kids just look at me and my heart melts.

Today, Guthri was in such a bad mood after school and was upset with her brother. He truly had done nothing wrong and was wanting to help her but for whatever reason she was just not going to let him be nice to her. She climbed into the back seat of the car and sat there pouting. I honestly thought she would fall asleep on the way home. Garrett opened the door and she literally tried to bite his hand. He just tapped her on the head and said, "It's time to go Mrs. McGregor." It was the funniest thing I have ever heard! He kept at her until she was laughing. He did it to not be annoying but because he loves her and wanted her to be happy. And when she did start laughing it was not just a giggle but a belly roll laugh. It was so refreshing and fun to just laugh with my kids. We laughed for over 20 minutes. Guthri came up and gave me a huge hug and told me "Even if I had a sister, I would still want Garrett for a brother." I know that sounds silly but most parents with more than one child can completely understand!!

Today, my gifts consisted of nothing that money could buy, nothing anyone could have planned for, nothing I even expected. Just my family, happy and loving. Best gift I have ever received!

Some People....

Have you ever dealt with someone and then walked away and thought "some people"? I do it all the time. I have to stop and make myself see the inner being of some people. God has placed a person in my life that I am constantly having to FORCE myself to see the inner being and the reason he/she is in my life. I had dodged this person at various events because I knew the personality and knew I could not handle it. I literally would hide or turn my back to keep from making eye contact. I just could not handle the belligerent talk, the sob stories, (to put it bluntly) the stupidity. This person drove me insane!

Well, low and behold, God planted this person right on my door step!!!!!! It was not funny, it was not something I thought I could handle. I struggle every day to deal with the attitude and force this person comes at me with. I look at what I can do for this person and think "That is why God put him/her in my life." Then, boom, he/she does something so ridiculous that I think I can't handle it. I take a deep breath and remember I am the Christian, the one that needs to give. Then, wham! Here it comes again.

A few nights ago as this person was basically assaulting me, I realized God put him/her in my life to teach me something. To teach me that I am to have more tolerance, I am to have patience, compassion, love even when it is sooooo hard for me. It is easy to talk a good game and to always say the right things but to actually live it is a total commitment to living like Jesus. I have to give myself to His will even when it is not comfortable or convenient. Hmmmm..."some people!" (Talking about myself here!)

What I Wish Parents Understood:

1) Your kids do not have to be #1 to be successful.
2) Losing is OK as long as you did your best.
3) EVERY child is beautiful!
4) Grades only tell what your kid can do when told what to do.
5) Yes, your kids should be friends with everyone!
6) Doing it FOR your kids does not make them the best.
7) FORCING your kids to do something does not make them the winner.
8) Money will not buy your child's position in life.
9) Yes...every child should be given an invitation to the party.
10) Ummmm...your kids are not perfect.
11) Your kid's success does not make you somebody.
12) Be proud of your kids and brag on them without putting down another kid.
13) Those other kids have feelings and want your approval too!!!!!!!!!

Just some personal feelings along with some professional feelings.

God is Good!!

This is an update of my friend Kelijon.....The cancer has not spread! Praise the Lord. Without going into details, she had waited a long time before seeking medical help. Because of the time frame the doctors were afraid it would have spread, so prayer warriors went straight to work and God answered!

I had made several calls to old friends after receiving the news and was in complete hysterics. I could not get my mind or heart settled. I tried to pray but the words just would not come, I could not concentrate long enough to even "think" my prayer to God. It was so frustrating. The next day we were on our way home from Dallas and I was staring out the window with tears in my eyes and God landed in my heart! He was just there and was bringing me the peace I could not find for myself. It was if He was saying "It's ok, I have her." My heart just felt so calm, my mind could think clear, my tears began to fall in peace and not in fear. I was in His arms with Keli. It was the most calming feeling I have had in a long time.

Kelijohn still has a long road in front of her. She will undergo chemo and radiation for about 2 months. BUT, a full recovery is expected! See, God is good. Keli is one of the most faithful people I know and she is at peace with everything but the treatments will challenge her will. Please keep her in your prayers! Love you Keli!

Not Being Trusted

Recently, I had an incident where someone questioned my honesty. At first, I was shocked and then I got mad. Real mad! The more I thought about it and the more I pieced things together, the more I realized this person truly did not trust me. Now, it JUST HURTS! How could he/she think that I would lie about something? Have I ever lead this person to believe that I would lie? Had I ever done something dishonest to make them believe that I could be dishonest?

Wow....it really made me step back and look at the way I present myself in front of others. I am an extremely sarcastic person and use slang idioms on a regular basis. I have had to stop myself on occasion to clarify what I said, usually because it hurt someone's feelings (never on purpose!), not because I came across as lying. Anyway, I am watching everything I say and everything I do because I NEVER want it to come across that I would be anything but trustworthy.

So, to make a long story short, I still hurt over the whole mess and want to confront this person about the accusation but I know it is useless and would just open up more issues that need to be just left alone. It hurt my feelings and I will just have to get over it!

My Dear Friend Kelijon

Yesterday, I received some heart breaking news. A friend text me and asked me to call when I got a chance. I knew something was up because she never calls in the middle of the day. I was not prepared to hear the news she had to share. My dear friend, Kelijon Nance, has been diagnosed with anal cancer! My heart sank. Tears filled my eyes, my mind flew back several years to remember her beautiful smiling face and spirit.

Keli and I have been through a lot together. Lonnie and I were there to support Kelijohn and her husband, Jerry's, persuit of opening their own Chiropractic clinic. They even lived with us for a few weeks while trying to get started. We adored their son, Karson, who was just a little adult in a child's body! He just kept us entertained!

When we adopted Garrett she was there to support us. She and Jerry were the first ones to the house when we brought him home. She had bought a cake to celebrate and when she saw my parents drive up and my mom get out of the car with another cake she ran to hide her cake as to not hurt my parents' feelings. Now, imagine mine and Lonnie's surprise when we found a full cake under the bathroom sink that night! She was there to hold my hand and pray when we lost our unborn son, Grady. She stood by me and prayed, she held me tight to let me know she would be there to the end. When I was drowning in sorrow, her and other friends from Stephenville came to spend time with me, to comfort me. When Guthri was born, I could not wait to take her to see our friends in Stephenville and for Keli and Jerry to meet her.

Kelijohn is the most genuine, free spirited soul I have ever known. There is nothing she would not do to help someone else. She is a wonderful wife, a wonderful mother, a wonderful friend, a wonderful Christian. She has always been an inspiration to me and now she needs me. I will pray fervently to help get her through this. She has a CT scan on Friday to be sure the cancer has not spread and my mind is set on her and our Father. He will see her through. Please help Keli by praying on her behalf. She needs us all. If you do not know her, you are the one suffering!

The first day

Well, like all other schools in Texas, today was the first day of school. Phew....what a day.

When Garrett started Kindergarten I started a tradition of taking his picture in front of the car with his backpack. His K pictures was absolutely adorable! Melted my heart every time I saw them. Anyway, I kept it up and had some sweet pictures of him throughout the years. But, when I started teaching, I seemed to not get it done. I headed out the door in a hurry and Lonnie was left to get him to school. I soon lost the tradition but promised myself I would get it done for Guthri. Well, I don't actually get the picture in front of the car but I do get it at school. This morning she looked absolutely adorable and was actually excited. I wish I could have caught her excitement on camera. She just thought I was annoying and wanted me to leave. Just thought I would post some pictures of this morning and years past.

Guthri remains to be such a bright spot in all out lives. She keeps us grounded and dreaming at the same time. I thank God for her and her beautiful, positive outlook on life!
(Garrett would not pose for a picture this morning!)

It's a Lazy Day

Today, I have the entire day to myself! WooHoo! I slept until 9:00, played on the computer and took a nap at 11:00. I am still in my PJ's and haven't even brushed my hair. Not a pretty sight but who cares? There is no one here to see me!

You see, the kids are at my parents and Lonnie and I have worked all week. He is swamped and has so many things going on. I had tech workshops Mon-Wed and then worked in my classroom in the evenings and all day Thursday. One evening I worked on school stuff, one evening I helped Lonnie on his dossier (career step thing) and came home Thursday evening just wiped out so I vegetated on the couch. It has been a good week. Got lots done.

I am so thankful I have parents that will take my kids and just enjoy them. We pick the kids up tomorrow so it will be back to a dirty house, fighting, TV watching, eating non-stop (Garrett is a teenager you know!), and school routines! I miss them so I am ready to have them back but it has been a peaceful week that I can just focus on what I needed to do and get it all done and not be stressed next week and then throw Guthri in front of a TV so I can work.

So today, I am just taking it easy until Lonnie comes home and needs help with his dossier again. Don't think I will get dressed but I will have to do something with the hair. He'll need to concentrate and he will not be able to keep his eyes off the mess on my head!

I could have it worse...

My last post was telling all my woes of medical bills and not being able to pay them all off on my time frame. Wow, do I need a reality check!

The last few weeks I have been bombarded by friends and family who own their own businesses and they are struggling like crazy. They are in jeopardy of losing their business, their income, their homes. They are looking into alternative careers, supplemental incomes.....I am just worried about having to do without cokes.

The financial state of our country is in turmoil and none of us know when it will get better. I don't know how to tell my friends and family to hang in there. I don't know how to reassure them that they will be fine eventually. I don't know how to help them survive this. I don't know how to make them feel better. When you see those around you suffering, it hurts.

I do know we all have to get on our knees and pray. Beg God for guidance, for help through this situation. I read a letter to the editor the other day that really hit home. People normally write about how horrible our leadership is and they are killing us financially (which I do believe) but this writer asked the questions "Have you prayed for our leaders to help them make the right decisions? Have you prayed that God intervene and help our nation?" She went on to say that putting our energy into condemning, into ridicule, is not putting our faith in God.

So, instead of being angry at the medical bills, be thankful that God gave someone the knowledge to help. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, take Jesus' attitude of service and help those around me that I can. I could have it worse....

It is all adding up!

This year has been extremely busy with trips to the hospital! I had knee surgery last summer and thought "hey, we can pay this out and no big deal." Well, December comes up and I have a huge infection on my face and had to spend the night in the hospital. Turns out I have nasty fever blisters! Guthri to the ER for a medication reaction. Garrett to the ER with a broken toe. Then Garrett has trouble with his hand turning purple. A trip to the Norhtwest Texas ER and two specialist, one CT scan, one heart sonogram, and two dopplers gave us NO answers. Lonnie hurts his shoulder so there is an MRI. Phew!!!!!

We always take the gamble of the high deductible insurance and this year we LOST BIG TIME! When Lonnie had his MRI he was under the impression that we had met our family deductible (you would think, wouldn't you!) Anyway, got a letter today that we hadn't and there goes another $1,000! The trip to NWTX cost us $1,838 because they were "out of network". We have just chalked up an enormous amount of medical debt.

I know all the rules, pay ever cent you can to reduce the debt, make an agreement with the hospital for a lower amount in cash, pay the lowest off first, etc..... Right now it is just overwhelming! I love our hospital and think they are the best so I feel more obligated to them than the others but I can't stand to only pay $10 a month to the others. Ugh!!!!!

I am just depressed about it and I feel like it is taking over my every thought, my every move. School is coming up and we all need clothes, shoes, supplies. Show season starts in September and Garrett needs money for pigs. It is all mounting up!

Now, I had someone say "Garrett doesn't have to have those pigs. It isn't a necessity." Really? Does their son have to have football? Does their daughter have to play volleyball? I can promise if you put pen and paper to it, we come out way cheaper!!! Just a little side line....

Just needed to vent a little. I know it will all work out and there are solutions, I just need to take the time to sort through it all. Thanks for listening!

Ring...Ring....

Lonnie's phone rings off the wall all day long. He uses about a thousand minutes a month on his cell phone. When the phone rings at home, it is for him. (except when MY mom calls) Now, I admit I am not very nice when his phone rings here at home and he is taking care of business. It is a daily affair so you would think I would just get over it. But, no not me!

Years ago I threw away the answering machine because it was always full of messages from telemarketers! I just figured if you needed us then you knew us and could call our cell phones. Right? Anyway, we do have caller ID so that is good enough for me.

Yesterday on the way home from Cloudcroft, I told Lonnie I could not believe his phone had not rang in three days! He said, "I know, it is weird." He checked it to make sure it was working and that was that. This morning I check the caller ID and NO ONE had called the house. Now, that is weird. I caught myself scrolling threw calls and practically hoping for a new call to show up. Nothing....it really bothered me that no one had called. Not even tried to call us. What is up with that?

I am never satisfied!

A Life of Service

Lonnie and I have both chosen professions that calls for us to serve others. Most jobs have some service involved but ours seem to be consumed with doing for someone else. I'll admit there are days I absolutely despise having to help someone else when I need help myself. I become bitter and resentful because everyone wants something. All times of the year are busy for us, there is no down time.

Yesterday, we were unloading drinks from the back of Lonnie's pickup for the upcoming concession stand. It was hot, I was sweating, Guthri was fast asleep in the back seat of a hot truck, and those silly cases were heavy. I felt myself getting hotter and hotter. Not physically, but mentally. I looked over and there was a 4-Her and his mom sitting at the stop light looking our direction. All I could think was "Well, don't just stare. Come help!" When they drove off I was fuming.

I started to say something when I looked at Lonnie and sweat was rolling off his face. He just kept picking up one case right after the other. He never said a negative word. He never grunted, even though he has a hurt shoulder. He just did his job because that is what he is supposed to do. Some times I hate it when he is right!

I had to take a step back and rethink my feelings. Why was it any less my job to unload those drinks than anyone else? Had we called anyone for help? Did that 4-Her and his mother have somewhere they had to be? Maybe my SERVICE ATTITUDE is not what it is supposed to be.

Jesus set the example of a life of service. He never complained, he never cared that he sweated, he just did what God wanted him to do. We are commanded to serve others. Whether it is volunteering or our job we are to live a life of service.

I Will Never Get Used to It!

Lonnie's job is demanding and there are some times that it seems he only has time for his job. This last year has been extremely tough because he has not had a co-worker and it has ALL fallen on his shoulders. He takes his responsibility very seriously and always wants things to be perfect. His obligations doubled this past year, so he has been on the road more than usual.

I am so proud of his accomplishments, his awards, his appointments. He is chairman of so many committees that I cannot remember them all. He is a director for his professional organization. He has been honored to be appointed to a leadership program called S.A.L.E. He is a busy man!

Today, he left for the District 3 Horse Show for three days. As usual, this morning he was finishing up his packing, helping me get Guthri ready and I was running out the door for school. I ran back to the bedroom to kiss him good-bye and we were gone in our separate ways in no time. By 5 o'clock this afternoon, I was missing him terribly. This is his 3rd trip in three weeks. He usually leaves in the morning or during the day when I am at school, so sometimes it is hard to remember he has left town. When things slow down at night, the kids and I really miss his presence. Today, Guthri was laying on the sofa and she said, "mom, I miss dad!" It almost made me cry. I know how she feels. Just a few minutes ago Garrett asked, "When is dad coming home?" Lonnie's absence has become so regular we have begun to forget to tell the kids he is going out of town! I keep thinking I will get used to him being gone so much, but no way. I will never get used to it!

Penny Pincher

During the summer I have more time to contemplate our "budget" and all the frivolous things we tend to spend our money on during the school year. Usually, we are in survivor mode during the year and just do whatever it takes to make it through. But summer arrives and I start to freak on our lack of self-control in spending. This summer is no different. I tend to freak out over money and I would have to say I am maybe a little more paranoid than normal.

I have started thinking about the next few years that are heading our way and all the changes (expenses) we will incur with a teenage, college bound driver. I am so nervous. In just 9 months Garrett will need a car. He will need gas, maintenance, INSURANCE!!! It just gets worse. That will be a drop in the bucket compared to college expenses!

So, in the tradition of things I have started my coupon clippin', bargain shoppin', hagglin', and just plain penny pinchin'. Lonnie went with me to the grocery store yesterday and I think I completely embarrassed him. I was handing over those coupons like they were gold and making sure that the sale prices were correct at the check-out. He just stood there and looked around. Our grocery store has a game going right now and I even took a complete strangers tickets because she didn't play the game! Lonnie never said a word. As we were leaving the the store someone was selling raffle tickets that we had agreed to purchase earlier. Of course you getter a better deal with the more you spend (ie....6/$10 instead of 1/$2). So Lonnie says "$10 worth." I stop dead in my tracks and say "What? No. Just one ticket will be sufficient." I know I completely humiliated him!

I hate being this way. I don't mind being thrifty but when it comes to embarrassing my family, I have to sit back and chill!

Organization

Years ago, I considered myself one of the most organized people I knew. EVERYTHING had a place and if it was out of place, I was completely messed up. Closets were neat and cleaned out regularly, dishes and silver were stacked according to size and use, clothes were hung in the closet according to season, color, and purpose. Poor Garrett had to have his toys in a certain location IN the toy box. He would dump everything out and I would spend hours putting it back in the perfect way so it would all fit. I desperately tried to teach him to do the same but a slob he was and a slob he will be FOREVER! I was completely anal!!

Now, I can't find my nose. My house is just piles of papers that I don't know what to do with, items that don't have a regular purpose are just laid wherever they fell, discarded furniture is thrown in the barn...I have just let it all go. I am not sure why or when it all started but it still drives me crazy. I would say daily I am saying "we need to get organized". Then, I just sit there in pure confusion about what to do with it all. We need storage so badly but can't seem to find exactly what I want, if I even know what I need!

It seems when my "physical" life is unorganized so is the rest of my life. We have five calendars that we post appointments, commitments, etc...but I still forget appointments or obligations. EVERY day I have to search high and low for Guthri's shoes, shampoo and hairbrush. It is EVERY day! Why can't I just put them where I know I will find them?

We have coat hooks and shelves by both doors but they are loaded with anything but caps, jackets and bags. Right now there are shopping bags hanging from the hooks by the back door so there is no place to put my purse. So...it is sitting on the dining table. The computer blew up a couple of weeks ago so the hard drive is sitting by the front door waiting to be discarded. It is like I want to get rid of it because it is ruined and cannot be fixed but then I think "all my records, pictures, documents all lost. I want them back." so I can't get rid of it. The basement is like a rummage sale. Things are thrown everywhere. Our laundry room is in the basement so it is a challenge to get to the dryer!

I truly believe I need to hire a professional organizer and just let them organize my house so I can have an organized life again. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff and actually be able to be productive. I have been looking on-line for suggestions and can't seem to find anything that would fit our house or our life style. I am not giving up though. Some day organization will be back in my life!!!

We are just boring!

I read all these blogs of families traveling here and there, doing all kinds of fun activities and I look at our family and think, we are just boring! I read about making smores over a trash barrel (how fun is that!), joining the country club for golfing and swimming, taking small trips just for fun, going to the movies......Everyone is doing something but us!

Part of it is because we are busy right now and Lonnie seems to be headed 500 different directions and he is never home. Part of it is because I am teaching summer school. Part of it is because Garrett has not finished Driver's Ed. Part of it is because the month of May was so busy we have lots of "house chores" that need to be taken care of (Not like we've done anything, but we do have them to do.) Part of it is because we are just flat out boring.

None of us can make a decision on where we want to go or we just can't agree. July 4th weekend we are supposed to take an annual camping trip to Cloud Croft, New Mexico but already Lonnie and I are coming up with excuses to not go.....tents and rain don't mix! But, then I think we will just sit around here doing nothing so would rather face the rain and mud. We make excuses because of money, but it is amazing we can come up with the money for other things. We say we are just tired and ready to stay home, but that is just not true for me. I am sick of staying home. None of us are fans of lakes or oceans and we really don't like the hot weather, so summer fun is difficult for us.

I think our biggest issue is just not agreeing on what to do. Lonnie's convention is in San Antonio this year so he thinks a couple of extra days in the SA area constitutes a vacation. I would like to take two or three small trips plus SA. Guthri just wants to go back to Wonderland! Garrett doesn't care as long as we do something! Can you tell we are an indecisive family? No one will make the decision and if I do and things don't go well, then I feel guilty! No wonder we are so boring!

Maybe an epipheny will hit me soon that will make everyone happy!

I Don't Want To

I do not know what is wrong with me but I seriously cannot get myself kick-started this week. What is wrong with me? I am teaching 4th grade summer school and I just cannot get motivated to do something creative and fun with those poor kids. I know they are bored to tears! I have one fun activity planned for tomorrow (well, I think it is fun)

This spring I made all kinds of plans to redo my bathroom, paint the living room, and wax the living room floor and I just sit here and look at it and think "hmm....I need to get on that." But have I been to the paint store...have I found a new shower curtain or bath set.....have I even thought about the floor......NO! I cannot get motivated to even look at getting it done.

My classroom looks like a tornado hit six months ago and I never cleaned it up but kept piling things. If I don't get organized, my poor kids next year will be digging their way out of paper mountains by the end of the second six weeks. Every time I look at my shelves, I just groan and walk away. I haven't even sat at my desk this week because I don't want to see the mess.

Some how I have to get out of this mode! It is going to be August and I am going to wonder what has happened to my summer. Anyone have any ideas?

Puppies are worse than babies!

The kids and I have been visiting my parents for the past three days. We brought along our newest baby, Chloe and poor Granny has followed her around with a bottle of Resolve to clean up all the "puppy piddle". My parents are good sports and just go along with the flow. Chloe has gotten into everything, gets under their feet, torn up plants, you name it she has been into it.

Well, Thursday night around 11, Guthri comes running into the sun room with Chloe in tow and say "Mom, Chloe just ate something and I don't know what it is!" We all jump up and run to the living room and there it was.....DCon Mouse Pellets all over the floor! My dad had stuck a box under the sofa because they had seen a mouse earlier so he put the box up under the back of the sofa. Well, you know puppies, they find everything and just go to town with it.

Dad got on the phone trying to talk to a vet. I called Lonnie to call our vet and find out what we could do. There is no way Guthri could lose this puppy! It would be too much! Finally, dad gets in touch with a vet, Lonnie calls and says our vet said to make her drink Peroxide to make her vomit. So, Garrett and I are forcing syringes of Peroxide down this poor puppies throat as fast as we can. Finally, she vomits all over the back porch and it is soooooo green. I won't go into details but basically she vomited until it was white! None of us slept very well (except Chloe) because we were so afraid something would happen to her.

The vet dad talked to said to take her in for a shot of Vitamin K. We took her this morning to see a sweet vet in Comanche and he gave her a shot and assured us she would be fine. Lonnie called our vet and he told Lonnie Chloe would be fine. Phew!!!

We have all been on puppy duty the whole time we were here but man she just got away from us for less than 2 minutes and look what happened. I remember when the kids were young, they could get into a mess in no time and inevitably it was late at night or when I really didn't have time to deal with it. Puppies are not different!

We are all thankful Chloe is fine. Poor Granny and Pappy felt so responsible when it was not their fault, so they really are wiped out today from all the "trauma". Some times "granddogs" can be more stressful than grandkids!

Living with ADHD

So many times I am reminded that generally people don't accept children with ADHD. Normally I get so upset with those people and would like to just knock them between the eyes. This time I am the one that needs to be knocked between the eyes! I am wiped out with just five days of no school for him. We try so desperately to not give him his medicine on the days he will not be doing something important or needs to be calm. Therefore, he has not had medicine in five days!

I have lost patience with him and resorted to screaming at the top of my lungs to get him to do what I ask. I am not talking chores, I am talking...running in a store, lowering his voice, eating with his mouth closed in a restaraunt, playing rock, paper scissors in church, etc.... Now, most of these issues are typical teenage boy behavior but when a person is ADHD the actions become mganified by 1ooo%. He is louder than others, he is faster than others, he talks more than others. It is just who he is.

I generally can deal with these behaviors and just laugh later. But, today I just cannot laugh about it. He is on my nerves! He is no different today than he has ever been, it is me. I am tired and am genuinely tired of dealing with these behaviors with my students and him. I need to pray and just take a time away.

Garrett is an awesome kid with a heart of gold. His heart is so open to the kittens and the puppies and the babies. He is phenominal with little kids. I know he has a talent to work with children some day. He has turned into a wonderful young man and I am so proud of who he has become. He is not the one with a problem, it is me!

Jesus Died for You and Me....

.....and everyone else. It is easy to see God's grace in our lives or those closest to us. We simply say "only by the grace of God" and think of our family and friends. Well, what about everyone else? Do you ever find yourself looking at someone and thinking 'well, I know God forgives them, but you know what they used to do or how they used to be?'

Today, I found out about a couple that I have prayed for over and over and over and over and over. It seemed that Satan sat at their doorstep and just couldn't wait to destroy their lives. They had what most of us call "bad sins" and really needed to "clean up" their lives. Well, tonight they took the perfect steps to do just that! I am so happy for them and I know God will bless their lives.

The biggest questions are: can we see God HAS FORGIVEN them and cleansed their souls?, do we understand God has worked miracles in them?, can we forgive them?, and most of all can we wrap our minds around the fact that Jesus died for THEM?

As much as I love this couple, I do take a step back ocassionally when the tatoos slap me in the face or the piercings make me cringe with pain. They don't look like you and me, they haven't lived a life like you and me, they don't have professional jobs like you and me, but THEY ARE God's children!

Take the time today to see someone's soul like God sees it!!!

She's Here!

Just wanted everyone to know we finally got our puppy! We chose Meagan but named her Chloe. She is the sweetest little thing. She cuddles and just loves for you to talk to her. She has even had her first tea party!

Spending TIME in the ER!

Last week, Garrett complained of his hand turning purple! One of his teachers sent him to the office because she was concerned. It was the weirdest thing. Lonnie calls me one afternoon when he picked up Garrett from school, we discussed it and thought we'd wait to see if it happened again. Well, it did...many more times.

On Wednesday night, I asked our doctor to take a look at him (I firmly believe against doing that). He evaluated him and decided that Garrett needed to see a cardiologist! Kind of made you take a second breath and then hold...We got an appointment but not until June 1.

On Thursday, Garrett texted me at lunch and said it was all purple and hurt badly. He did the same at 4:15. Lonnie had seen him at 3:15 and said it was purple and he felt like we should probably call the doctor back.

We were waiting for Garrett to get out of Driver's Ed (!) and my cell phone rang. It was our doctor. He suggested we take Garrett on to Amarillo to the ER and get into a cardiologist that night. Well, we picked him up from Driver's Ed and got Guthri situated and headed for Amarillo. Got to the ER about 11:00 and waited until 5:00 a.m. to see a Dr.!!!! By that time Garrett's hand looked completely normal. The doctor basically blew us off and treated us like idiots. I kept telling him over and over there was something wrong, our doctor had sent us to Amarillo. He ordered a doppler and blood work and said he would be laughed at by radiology for the order!

The experience was totally uncalled for. I have never been so upset with a group of professionals in my life. We had waited patiently even though the waiting room was full of filthy language, crude people and to top it off it was dirty!! We even had to experience the police with a gun shot victim and angry family and completely wasted friends!!! There were times we felt like leaving but no, our son had a problem and we wanted to see a doctor.

We waited an hour after the doctor saying "I knew there was nothing wrong. Everything is normal." We were finally released from the business office (had to give them $100 before they would let us go)! We walked out of the ER at 7:45 a.m. It was a horrible night and we knew no more than we did 9 hours earlier.

We are so blessed to live in a small town! Got home and our doctor was very upset with the Amarillo ER and has taken it on himself to help us. Garrett is doing fine and his hand has not done it again since Thursday. So maybe there is nothing wrong, but we just can't take that chance. We will keep our appointment with the cardiologist and do whatever tests our doctor orders.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I was so disappointed in the doctor in Amarillo. He was very condescending and very unconcerned! If you have a good doctor or come across an ER doctor that treats you with respect and concern, please tell them thank you....they deserve it!

Ladies...This Is Good!

A young friend of mine has an awesome blog. She is young married woman who is wise beyond her years and is lovingly offering a free give away for those that participate in her blog activity. As a woman she is asking that we step up and see what is so wonderful about our husbands or boyfriends. I am not going to say much else because she says it so well. Just click here and see what Charla has to say!

Dump Fund

We are so blessed in Childress to have a preacher that truly has a heart of gold. He not only teaches giving but lives it as well. He is having an awesome event this Tuesday, May 5. On his blog he is raising money to send to Honduras to buy food for people who literally live at the city dump and eat the scraps from other people's garbage. Your help is needed !

Go to www.treymorgan.net to read more and donate!

Just another week.....

The buzz in Texas this week is TAKS! Well, it is more like a roar...We spend hours preparing (to put it lightly), worrying over our own children and our students, dreading it more than anything, or just hating it. Yes, I said it, hating it! Thankfully, I teach 3rd grade so I only had one test to give for the class. That was math on Tuesday. The kids felt like old pros and just went about their business. We all walked on pins and needles that day, so scared of doing something wrong...it was a stressful day but like I said that was it for me. Had to give a make-up test to a poor kid today after being sick for 3 days. He sniffled all the way through but bless his heart he finished!

Facebook is covered with comments about TAKS, none are positive and most relate to being exhausted. It is exhausting just from the pressure, not necessarily the work. There are principals, counselors, test coordinators, test administrators, hall monitors, auditors and I am sure somewhere TAKS watch dogs. It is just plain crazy on how out of control it has gotten! In the mist of all this chaos there is the swine flu mess, so that just added the the hectic atmosphere.

Today, I handed in that poor kids test after several laborious hours (for him...I just sat there) and returned to my classroom. There were my kids working like always, going to the library like always, having their little tiffs like always. Nothing was any different. School let out and our principal so graciously came over the intercom and told us to go home. Guthri and I shuffled out the door and got in the car. My phone rings...

Lonnie "yea, I was just checking on how much longer you are going to be there?"

Me "we're in the car about to head home."

Lonnie "well, I went to Vernon today and got the 'Something Fishy' and 'Wildlife' curriculum so thought I would unload it."

Me "come on..we'll wait for you."

Not so thrilled I hung up and just sat there and in a few minutes there he was. We unloaded the curriculum and then headed for Sonic for a drink (it was still Happy Hour!). Finally got on the road for home and started down our dirt road and realized there was no way the bus would make it down it to bring Garrett home. So I backed 1/2 mile and sat on the side of the road waiting on the bus to get Garrett. Garrett gets in the car...Guthri starts in and Garrett just gets right back in her face. A mile down the road we are screaming. Everything was pretty much the same as usual.

I came in the house and sat down. About a minute sitting there, it hit me. This was just ANOTHER week. Lightning didn't strike my students (even though we have taught them that lightning was a sure thing if they didn't work diligently through the whole test), all teachers are well and accounted for, all admin. is still breathing, nothing was any different than last week! It was just another week. On Monday, this week will just be a fog as we start to wind up the year.

Now, I don't know if all my teammates would agree with me or if my admin. isn't just a little worn out, but when it all comes down to it, it was just another week.

Yea, She Made It!

We're wild about reading.
Let me tell you.
Guthri's a great reader
And that is true.
She's headed to Wonderland,
Let's all go too.
We're wild about reading.
How about you?

We Will Have a New Family Member, Soon!

Our family will soon grow by one member in the next few weeks. Guthri is getting a new puppy!!! We lost our precious Zoey on January 2 and have anxiously been awaiting the arrival of her new puppy for several months.

Today the breeder sent new pictures and we may have to bring home TWO! They are absolutely adorable. We will choose between Megan and Alexis. It will be a hard choice. Thought I would post the pictures and let you help us. Of course the final decision is Guthri's but it would be fun to see what everyone thinks. Alexis is on top and Megan is on bottom.

Must be Drama Queen Day!

I read a friends blog about her granddaughter that she so justifiably called a drama queen. It was a hoot to read because I could just see an 8 year old doing everything she was talking about. Then I go to another friends blog and she is talking about her 1 year old drama queen. This time is was true drama for the camera. Had some beautiful pictures of the precious thing and you could tell she was loving every minute of it.

Guthri has been so dying for a horse for quite some time now. We had one for Garrett but barely had time to feed it, much less ride, groom, or just enjoy it. We sold him a few years back and felt better that he had a great home and would be taken care of the "right way". Well, Guthri has been really pushing here lately. Every day she asks for a horse. Every night she asks for a horse, even writes notes about them and sticks them in my purse. Yesterday was the worst day ever, so out of pure survival I said, "We'll ask PaPa if you can ride one of his horses." Oops! As soon as it came out my mouth I knew I was in trouble. I know Harold would be more than happy to take her riding when he has time.

As soon as she hit my classroom door this afternoon, she started in. I kept putting her off and saying "we'll see". We turned down our road this evening and I saw he was in the field plowing. I felt such a relief. Wait......it was a little too early to feel so at ease. As soon as we got into the house she put on long pants and boots that are so little that it had to hurt. Went outside to play and finally came in about 30 minutes later because "he was still 'mowing' and she was bored." While we were eating she heard the tractor come up by the house and started screaming "It's PaPa, it's PaPa, PaPa, PaPa." Out the door she went and then came back in. Went back out, talked to the dog, and then came in again and asked me to come outside with her. We went out and she pointed so sheepishly at Harold. He waved, I waved and that was it. Later he came up to the house to get her to ride in the tractor with him.

Here is the drama!! She started screaming uncontrollably and rolling on the couch. It was soooo embarrassing. I didn't know what to do. I knew what she wanted but there was no way I was going to tell him what she wanted. Lonnie was in a complete state of confusion. Finally, I told Harold she didn't want to go and he left. I know he thinks we are complete idiots!

Guthri screamed for an entire 25 minutes. Threw some toys around in her room, stomped her feet, just had a pure temper tantrum! Of course I just wanted to bust her rear but her dad just stood there feeling sorry for her. (?) He believes she is so shy that she cannot express herself and that is the only way she can get out her frustration. I do believe this in some aspect but I do also totally believe she is spoiled rotten and just wanted to cause the drama to get her way!!!

"The Routine"

Most of the time I focus on all the negative happening around me. Too many times I have to complain about the small things. Today, I had parent conferences and at each one I learned something new about myself. As a teacher, I tend to go through the regular routine of report cards, TAKS results, work examples, etc... Then a single mom comes in with just few minutes because she had to leave work to be there, she needs someone to listen, someone to tell her she is doing the best she can, tell her that we are supporting her with any means we can. Couples come together because they are interested in their child's progress and want to learn something that will help. A selfless grandmother comes in and needs to cry on a shoulder because a court order is sending the kids back to mom. After it is all said and done "the routine" is so irrelevant to them.

I really didn't have time for Guthri's conference, so I quickly ran to her teacher, signed in and picked up her report card. As I went running back to my room for one last conference it hit me...all we had to worry about was "the routine". What a blessing. I have a wonderful husband that supports our family, children that only need moderate scholastic help or an occasional reminder of who they are and what our family stands for, and most of all we are together. Nothing separates us, no troubles hang over our heads that will jeopardize our relationship, we are a family with NO true troubles. I know it is only by the grace of God!

Take the time to love those around you!

WIND 2

It's back! Need I say more?

When the kids are sick....

As a working mom, I am constantly struggling to do what is right for my kids, my husband and my job. Being a teacher just magnifies that load because my students become my kids. For the past month or so, Garrett and Guthri have struggled with soar throats, allergies, rashes, fever, etc... I know in my head to stay home, let them rest and they will bounce back fine, but then I rationalize that I have to be at school because of TAKS or because I am trying to build up my sick leave again or making sub plans is just too much effort. So, the burden then falls on Lonnie. I catch myself saying "There is no way I can take off, can you do it?" He always says "I'll get it done." Then a few hours later, I am feeling so guilty. Man, what an internal struggle!

Garrett has complained about not feeling well for a few weeks now but I just couldn't visibally see anything wrong with him. He ran a little temp a couple of weeks ago and complained of a soar throat. After a million texts from school, Lonnie (again) took him to the Dr. They tested for strep, negative. Gave him a shot and some antibiotics and sent him on his way. On Sunday, he started complaining before he even got out of bed. We were with our LTC group and just thought he had to tough it out. He slept most of the way home and played his DS. He went straight to bed when we finally made it home around 8 p.m. Complained when he got up Monday but we made him go to school anyway. He looked like death that afternoon. I felt so guilty! I called and got an appointment for this morning and again, Lonnie took him in. They tested for Mono and it was negative (thank goodness) but he did have swollen glands in his neck. Gave him prescription and cough syrup and sent him home to rest. He stayed home alone and rested the remainder of the day. I called every chance I could to check on him.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I can't stand having to choose between my family and my job. It really bothers me that I leave my son home alone when he is sick or put him off until it is absolutely necessary to do something about it. We worry about "kids today" and think they are a mess. Well, when we were kids our moms were at home. They were at our class parties, made our costumes for school plays, were home when we got there after school to be sure we did our homework BEFORE watching TV or playing outside. Our world has changed...our kids don't have that guidance or that structure because we (moms) work outside the home. They are left to fend for themselves after school until we arrive at the house around 5:30. The bus driver knows more about our kids after school routine than we do!

It is days like today that I almost despise myself for not having the will power to let go of worldly desires. I feel like I have to have a paycheck to "make it" in this world. Have I sacrificed my own children? I pray daily for my kids and our world. I hope we all don't work our children into being people we don't like or people who don't like themselves. When they are sick, I need to listen...be here for them...let them know they are my first priority on this earth....not just when I have time.

The WIND

We have had 40 MPH winds all day! Not gusts....sustained. It has been horrible. I went at lunch to clean my car because we are leaving for Dallas in the morning and may have people riding with us. I could barely get the door open to get outside. My car was being whipped all over the road. The dirt was flying and there was debris everywhere! After school, I went to fill up with gas and the wind was blowing the signs at the station flat to the ground. As I was standing next to the car a cap came flying over the top of my car! I bet it blew off a poor man in Kansas! I got home and there was dirt blown 6 foot into the back hallway. Just a bit breezy to say the leat.

I truly love Childress but I am beginning to wonder if the wind is trying to blow us out of here!

Ehtiopia anyone?

I joined FaceBook a few weeks ago and it has been a hoot. I get so tickled at everyone's comments and weird answers to quizzes. You can take a quiz on just about any subject and it is supposed to tell you who you are most like, who you should have married, what your name should have been or even where you will be in 10 years. About a week ago everyone was taking a quiz about where they would most likely be in 10 years. I fell into the trap and did the quiz. Well, I ended up in Ethiopia! .......because I like to help others (that was their explanation). *You have to admit these kids in the photo are absolutely precious.

We all had a good laugh that night at all the goofy answers we were getting. We joked about it at school for a couple of days and that was it. This afternoon, school had just gotten to me. Well, maybe not just school...I just sat in my chair and thought 'I think I could honestly go to Ethiopia and be pleased as punch.' I had several stops after leaving school and nothing seemed to go right, so I just kept thinking 'yea, Ethiopia.' I get home, fix dinner (frozen pizza), do some dishes, eat and finally log onto FaceBook. There is Donna Smith saying she is going to Zimbabwe! It just fit...I am going to Ethiopia...some day...want to go with me?

I Wish I Wouldn't Have Heard It

As a mother, I am so proud of my children. They work hard to do good in school, they love each other, they want to be a part of our family, they are good kids. You can't make me happier than to brag on my children.

I was standing close to someone recently who made a negative comment about one of my children. It tore my soul! My first reaction was to jump all over this person. Thankfully I was stunned, so it took me a few seconds to gather my feelings and emotions. Once I had gotten over the shock, I simply walked away.

It really hurt, more than I can describe. I love this person and I don't understand why they said what they did. It had nothing to do with the matter at hand. I hope that they have taken the opportunity to really get to know my child. What makes them happy, what hurts their feelings, what struggles do they have, what successes have they had, what are their interest? I pray the comment was not made from a few encounters or one bad experience.

It did teach me to silence my words when they are not necessary. To keep my mouth shut in public, and most of all make sure I understand the person before I decide if I like them or not. I don't ever want another mother to say "I wish I wouldn't have heard it."

I Am Always Amazed!

Today, Disney was having a marathon of all the classics from when Garrett was little. He was determined Guthri sit with him and watch them. When he was little, he and I used to watch them over and over and over. We only had two TV channels then so a movie was an every morning thing for us when Barney was over. That usually gave me time to get some laundry done or cleaning. He loved every one of them! His favorite was Lion King but it wasn't on today.

We spent most of the day watching Mulan, Aladdin, Tarzan and Hercules. Garrett still remembered almost every word and every song. He would sit there quoting the lines with the characters. He would tell Guthri what all was happening and even gave a short history lesson her and there. I just sat there listening to him in awe. How can he remember all that after at least 10 years?

Guthri loved them all but got a little bored. Garrett and I sat there watching intently and laughing. If he would have been over 2 feet shorter I would have thought he was four again! He is dying that I am posting this but it was great day or me!

She Better Marry Rich!

Today, school let out early so we headed home to make vegetable soup for Guthri. She loves the stuff and always wants to "help". I normally get away with her only helping a little or get it done before she notices what I am doing. No such luck today!

She peeled carrots and potatoes (only 2) while sitting on the cabinet. She even had her "Rachel Ray trash bowl". As she was peeling she was humming away and asked me to boil water for hot chocolate "I really like something warm on a cold day" is how she justified her request. We struggled through all the ingredients and she poured everything into the pan. I told her she had to clean up because that was part of cooking. She smiled and said "I would love to." She got out the broom and sang "This is how we sweep the floor, sweep the floor, sweep the floor. This is the way we sweep the floor so early in the morning." She sang over and over and just had the best time. She then laid on the couch and sipped her hot chocolate. Just as at ease as anyone could be.

I see her loving being a "Suzy Homemaker" and drinking her coffee on the couch after the kids have been delivered to school. Then off to the gym for her personal trainer and an afternoon at the salon. She is just sooo prissy!! Guthri is somewhat of a country girl but nothing like me. She loves animals and being in the middle of the action but when it come to housework, clothes, etc... she acts like a pure girl. All I hope is she can marry a man that will make enough for her to stay home!

Spring Blizzard?

Tonight, Amarillo is expecting a blizzard! By morning Childress is to have blizzard conditions! Can you believe it? I can't. All winter I have waited for it to be cold enough to wear a sweater but no it never came. (I have to have COLD weather for a sweater.) Now, I pulled out the capris and the sandals and we are supposed to have 25-35 mph sustained winds with rain and then snow fall by 10 am? We are to expect occasional 50 mph wind gusts? Guess no capris tomorrow.

I am headed for the grocery store to stock up!

I Could File my Life!!!

I am constantly telling some "sorry, I forgot". I forget deadlines at school, prescriptions at the pharmacy, dry cleaning, meetings, etc... You know, I am so organized with my computer. I have everything in folders and can find everything I need in an instant. Today someone even called me anal!!! Why can't I do that with my life?

The house is a wreck, the laundry is thrown in dirty piles or thrown into the clean basket. Very rarely is it all put away. Dishes remain in the sink to be washed, cushions are off the couch, the dresser is piled and I just sit here and look at it! It is almost overwhelming. If I could put it all into a computer I am sure I could keep my life all neatly filed away to find at a moments notice!! Hmmm...what an idea!

Some times you just have to love them!

Lonnie was miserable all day Sunday with Gout. We didn't even go to church because I was trying to help him, went to the grocery store to buy "home remedies" .....

Last night he finally fell asleep about 11:00. But...he was sleeping so hard that he snored like never before! He just went on and on and on. Finally, it came out of my mouth "good gosh, turn over!" It just came out. He woke up, laughed and turned over. Three seconds later, it was even louder! I was trying so desperately to not wake him up because I knew he was tired and was in pain. I laid there until midnight and finally just had to leave the room.

As I laid on the couch resentful for being "snored" out of my bed I thought "some times I just have to love him."

Living with Gout

Lonnie has suffered with Gout almost our entire married life. He gets these episodes that literally shut down our lives. He is miserable. It usually hits when he is stressed and has tons of things going on. We have learned that stress triggers Gout! It takes us all to help him get the things done that he needs to do but he is so miserable by the end of the day, he just melts onto the bed and lays there in pain.

He has spent thousands of dollars on medicine and has seen over 10 doctors to help him with this awful mess. Dr. Green has been the only doctor that has taken him seriously. Most look at his German name and tell him to lay off the beef and beans and quit drinking beer. Well, if they would listen they would know that Lonnie does not drink! Dr. Green put him on a maintenance med. but it still doesn't stop the Gout completely. It has lessened the occurrences.

He has had a Gout episode for the last 8 days and today it hit him hard. I know it is bad when he asks for the crutches. Tonight, we bought a Gout Handbook on-line. It has some practical, natural remedies so we are going to try those. I hope those ideas help. I tried to get him to try the first recommendation tonight but he was too miserable to even tell me if he would or not. He is sleeping hard right now so maybe he will be better in the morning.

New Recipe

A few weeks back Lea Morgan told me about something she had tried at dinner and it sounded soooo good. When I went to the grocery store this last time I thought about her idea and decided to buy the things to make it. Of course the grocery store didn't have the Chicken Helper she told me about so I improvised. Recipe follows:

2 Tbls margarine
1 box Chicken Rice Medley (I bought United brand)
3 chicken breast halves, cubed
2 cups water
1 can black beans, drained
1 can corn, drained
1 tsp chicken bouillon

Melt margarine in skillet. Add chicken and rice medley. Saute until pasta is light brown and chicken in thoroughly cooked. Add water, beans, corn, and bouillon. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until rice is done, stir occasionally.

We put ours in tortillas and added sour cream to eat it like a burrito. It was delicious! Lonnie added pepper jack cheese to his and said it was awesome.

Just thought I would share!

It's been a good week

We made it home from Houston about 8:30 tonight. It was not a bad trip. We had spent the night in Huntsville last night and slept in. We left around 11:00 this morning but quickly stopped and ate lunch and then headed out again. Made it to Fort Worth before we stopped again. Got gas and lots of snacks and went on. Didn't make it to Wichita Falls when Guthri screams "I have to go to the restroom!" Stopped and spent more time taking a break. Then stopped in Vernon to eat dinner and did a little shopping at Beall's and Tractor Supply. Finally made it to Childress and noticed as we past the court house that we had left Lonnie's pickup parked there. One more stop! Pulled up to the house and the dog, Rojo, went wild. He has been so lonely since Zoey died and us being gone for a week just made him miserable. It was nice to have someone greet us when we got home!

Childress County did well at Houston. Three kids (including Garrett) placed ninth with their pigs and one placed 7th. Not too bad. Lonnie has been working for years to get the show program built up and things are looking better. The year has been pretty good as a whole.

Glad to be home but I will spend at least one day it not two at school getting things cleaned up and prepared for next week. I have lots of props to make for LTC before Sunday so have a busy couple of days ahead.