TAKS

As a 3rd grade teacher, I feel like I live and breath TAKS!! Year after year it is the same ole' story and the same ole' routine. I desperately search for ideas to make it more appealing and to give it a true learning experience and I think I am making progress but still same ole' drill and kill toward the end.

Yesterday, 3rd graders took the math portion of the test and today they took the reading portion. The teachers I know despise these days as much as I do. It is complete torture on everyone involved. (which happens to be every employee and every student at our elementary campus) No way around it affects everyone....from the kids taking the test, to the teachers administering it, to the hall monitors, to the classes not testing, to the custodians, to the cafeteria workers. It just engulfs everyone's life for those days.

The part that bothers me the most about the TAKS test is that it goes against all the teacher instincts I have. It is natural for me to look over a student's shoulder as they work. It is natural for me to see a mistake they are making and talk them through the process. It is natural for me to ANSWER a question when a student ask one. It is natural to comfort them when they are struggling. On the TAKS tests I CANNOT DO ANY OF THAT AT ALL! It is just flat-out not allowed.

Today, I had a student literally hitting himself in the head (not hard). I went to ask him if he was ok and he asked me a question about something he should have known. He is a smart kid and he had tears in his eyes. You know what I had to say, "I cannot help you with that. Just do the best you can." GIVE ME A BREAK! He is 9 years old and is completely losing it because for whatever reason he had a lapse of memory at that given moment. I said my little scripted statement and walked away with tears in my eyes! How can I do that to one of my students?

I think about my own children and it makes me sick to my stomach. Garrett does fairly well in school and TAKS has never been anything but a major inconvenience in his life. But what if he was that smart kid with a brain lapse? Guthri is Dyslexic and does ok but she has some hard roads ahead of her and what if she needs just a little reassurance DURING a test and her teacher cannot help her? I just cannot stand it!

It has been a horribly long couple of days and I know by next week it will all just be a bad memory, again. But, it is real and no one is waking up from this nightmare any time soon!

I Love My Kids

Don't know why but today I am just thinking about how much I love my kids and wanted you to know. They are not perfect...they can be rude...they can be mean...they can be disrespectful...they can push every button I have...they can be messy...they can be gross...they can be lazy...they can break things...they can smart mouth with the best...they can fail...they can suffer...they can be hurt. But most of all they can take my heart at any given moment!

Where do you draw the line? Or do you draw it at all?

In today's world, people are exposed to many different personalities and life styles. I have always prided myself in being open minded to others yet conservative and strict in my own beliefs and behavior. Seems these days I am challenged daily to come out of that mind set and see things in a new way. I still can't decide if looking at things differently is the right thing to do.

I want my children to behave and when they don't I want others to help me teach them. I want to help even if it is not my job and expect others to do the same. I want to denounce sin and not associate with others that openly live in it. I want to pay my own way and don't understand those that don't. I want to do the right thing at all times and can't imagine thinking it is ok to not. You see, this is who I am or who I want to be.

So, how do I throw myself into those fires that I know will fry me to death? How do I help those that refuse to help themselves? How do I sit back and watch person after person stand with their hand out and cuss me when I don't put something in it? How do I befriend someone wh has a drinking or drug problem? You see, these are my daily struggles!

I do believe Jesus loves all but I do not believe He accepts all. When He taught, He did not only teach to Christians. He taught all. He gave us all guidelines to live by. He gave us all freedom to choose our destiny. He expects us all to follow Him and live His way. You see, this is my line that I do not know where to draw.

Where do I draw that line of acceptance or tolerance? Only draw the line for those that call themselves Christians? Draw it for everyone? Don't draw it at all? Lord, I pray you help me understand what you want from me. I have many tugs going on in my heart (or maybe my head). Please understand I am not condemning or claiming to be perfect for You know I am not. You have granted me forgiveness when I did not deserve it. You have given me acceptance when I could not accept You. You have tolerated me when a good swift kick would have probably been more beneficial! You did not draw that line. Maybe I just answered my own question but I need guidance and understanding and an open heart. I need Your strength as I struggle through this life!