And yes, They are different.

As time goes by I have learned to embrace my kids differences instead of trying to mold them into the same person or a "Jenschke child". It has not always been easy for a conformist like me but I am learning. One kid needs to be praised constantly for a job well done while the other is proud of themselves and holds that pride well. One is scattered and hops from one project to the next while the other is meticulous and a perfectionist. One breezes through school as if it is just a minor inconvenience in life while the other struggles and works harder than anyone thought possible. One is a teacher pleaser and adored by most that come into contact with them and the other well, lets just say they challenge everyone they come into contact with! Ha! One can grate on my last nerve and then give me that grin and I melt all over again. The other, melts my heart constantly and then gives me that sass and my nerve is shot. One I can look at with anger and tear the soul of this kid while the other I could beat all day long and scream until I have burst a blood vessel in my head and they would skip off giggling. They are just different. It is so difficult to deal with because I tend to see the worst parts of me in my kids, so when I see it I want it fixed immediately. But, they are who they are and God made them that way. They don't need to be fixed! I have to celebrate their personalities and thank God for their strong convictions and love for Him. It been a rough week and as one of those kids heads off to college I am sure it is going to get rougher. I am having to really preach to myself that those differences will prove that kid successful some day. It's not easy!

It's Been a Looooonnnggg Time!

Seems here lately I haven't really had anything blog worthy so have had a little writer's block. Not sure I have anything today but have lots on my mind, so here it goes.

School year started off with a bang! Garrett is a senior so the emotional rollacoaster has started. One day I want him out and gone as far as he can drive, the next I want him to sit in my lap and never leave. Tears seem to fall more frequently at all the little reminders that he will soon be on his own and no longer "my little boy". :( Guthri, is in 4th grade and growing so fast. She has become so confident and independent that it almost makes me sad. I am happy she is discovering who she is and is proud of the person she is. But, I see her in my mind in a cap and gown way too quickly, too! I moved to 2nd grade this year and was way excited about the move. I will admit it has been tough. Learning something new is time consuming, emotional, and flat out hard. Guess it gives me an insight to what my students go through every day. I find myself working more and more hours, stressing more, more confused, more frustrated. I know it will all work out and I am loving my team but just need things to smooth out quickly. But of course, I teach school in Texas so not sure it will ever smooth out!Lonnie is without a co-worker so it all falls on his shoulders. He is running ragged and needs our family's help more than ever. It takes us all to get it done. I can't think of the last day we did not have one obligation or another. Just tired and need a break for us all.

Garrett began working at Wal-Mart in June. He really does not enjoy it but he knows he has to have a job. (Sorry, we're poor!) It's hard that we don't get to have supper as a family most nights. Found out yesterday he has to work Thanksgiving Day and the day after. Boooo! Not sure what the thinking is that a teenager needs to work Thanksgiving Day. Of course we have no family here so if they can't come here we won't see them. It will be the first Thanksgiving ever that I have not been with my parents. I know it is necessary and as a parent I have to support my son and encourage him to be a good employee but part of me wants him to quit. Not reality so just have to deal with it. Not easy but we will. Part of life's changes.

Guthri went to the 4-H District Food Show yesterday. She didn't place and it tore her heart out. But, what she doesn't realize is how far she has come. Just a 7 months ago we couldn't get her to open her mouth in front of people. Yesterday, she interviewed (with a quite a few nerves) and told them all she knew. She opened her mouth and tried. I am very proud of her. Wow!!! It just blows me away sometimes on the person she is becoming: absolute sweet, kind, tenderhearted, strong-willed girl. She gets her determination from her daddy and I thank God for them both daily!

This is completely changing course and this has NOTHING to do with my job:

Not sure where parents have allowed kids to be so outspoken and disrespectful but I hope our society wakes up very soon to understand that we are losing our kids quickly. The last few months I have witnessed kids say and do things that I just can't believe. Where did they get the idea that they had the right to say those things or do those things? The biggest kicker is the parents playing stupid or defending them. Really? You know, Garrett has been put down, ridiculed, made fun of for his behavior at times and we have worked like crazy to help him be a better person. Yet, these kids do what they do and everyone just says "Well, you know how they are. Their parents let them get by with it." Uuuummmmm..........no! So, from now on, I have no respect for those parents or those kids. I'm done!

Well, you can see it has been a while and my mind is going in a thousand different directions. My Senior English teacher would not be proud! Ha!

Friendship

Last night Lonnie and I had the pleasure of traveling to Fort Worth to the wedding of some dear friend's son, Karson. When Lonnie and I were first married, Kelijohn and Jerry where like our "marriage mentors". We loved them desperately and adored their son, so being present for the start of his new life was just something we wanted to be part of. I had contacted other friends, Jim and Cindy and asked them to meet us for dinner beforehand and was so excited to see them. It had been at least 5 years since we had seen then face to face and it was just amazing to put my arms around Cindy and hug her. Just felt so comfortable. After dinner we all headed to the wedding. As we were driving through Fort Worth, it hit me. Not only would Keli and Jerry be there and Jim and Cindy but many other friends from Stephenville that we had not seen in years. I began to think back to the years we lived there and how much joy we felt there. It was heartwarming. Soon after entering the chapel, familiar faces started to appear and smiles and hugs just came one after the other. We spent the entire reception making our rounds and seeing wonderful friends that we had not seen in years. It was completely rejuvenating to my soul to see them all. We literally did not want to leave the chapel after the wedding. It was a completely euphoric feeling. We did leave and just smiled all the way to the hotel. As we were getting ready for bed we were talking about everyone and how exciting it was and that we realized how much we had truly missed them. Brought a small tear or two and a few heart tugs but Lonnie said it best when he said, "The best part is: when we were visiting with everyone it was like we just started up right where we left off." Wow! That was exactly what it was like. This morning we met up with Keli and Jerry to have breakfast and we visited for almost 2 hours. It felt so natural and just like we had just decided to go to breakfast one morning.

I realize I may never have friends like that in my life again, but I know that all those Stephenville friends will be in my life forever. I hope that you are fortunate enough to have that bond of friendships. Even if they are not part of your everyday life just remember when you meet up you can start up right where you left off!

We just have more options...

Lately I have been beating myself up over money woes! Seems like every time I turn around we need $100 here, $200 there. Just seemed to overwhelming. I have been researching internet, satellite, phone & cell phone service and was just about to explode with anxiety over the whole mess. We spend over $375/month for these services and it is just too much. I worry about things like this all the time even though I know it does no good. Last weekend as I was making ANOTHER list of options I was thinking "How did my parents do it? My mom didn't work full time and my dad's job was just average so how did they afford cars, clothes, horses, cattle?" Just made me feel like I was so irresponsible because I couldn't offer my kids the same opportunities I had.

Today I visited the Verizon store to see what other options we had and found out we qualify for a discount so felt better there. But as I was looking at new phones it became overwhelming again. My head was swimming! Good grief...if we all get the phone we want (the kids are just getting plain phones) it is going to be around $800 to walk out the door!!!!!!!! My gosh! So again I start the whole "how did my parents do it?'

Then I come home and both my kids are on their iPods ($450) while Garrett is watching his TV ($400), Guthri is watching our TV ($800) while sitting next to her DSi ($240), I am on my computer ($1250), all while Garrett and I are talking on our old cell phones ($350). So, I think back to my parents. They had one TV in the living room. There weren't any iPods, cell phones, computers or video games. So even if that TV in the living room was the most expensive one on the market it still would not add up to all the "stuff" we have and that is not counting the provider fees we pay each month.

So I came to the realization that it isn't that we are any worse off financially we just have more options. So instead of horses and show cattle my kids have iPods, DSis, TVs, cell phones, and computers. Not sure if that is a good thing or if I am willing to do anything about it so for now will be satisfied with the realization that we just have more options!

Oh my!

"The greedy man curses and spurns the Lord" (Psalm 10:3-4)

Wow has that been so true the last few days. Won't give lots of details but lately I have seen greed in others that I just have to stand with my mouth open. Not sure where anyone gets the mentality that their needs (well, not even needs, more like desires) are any more important than anyone else. Literally had a woman say, "Well, if that kid doesn't have the money then they don't eat." Seriously?????? Uuuummmmm....I've paid for several "wealthy" kids meals before because the PARENTS didn't take care of business and send them any money. Her kid included! I just have to pray. I don't know what else to do. Tried explaining and it did NO good. Tried arguing and made it worse. Tried being "fair and equal" but wasn't good enough. Thank God my husband can handle those situations much better than I can. He just smiles and does what is right. My eyes have been opened wide lately on what is wrong with this world! Not pretty at all!

A Failed Mother

This weekend our family went shopping for clothes for a special wedding we are attending this next weekend. Guthri had a certain dress in her head and just knew she would look gorgeous in it. We started picking dresses in two or three sizes. Went to the dressing room and NONE of them made her feel gorgeous. She cried and cried. Broke my heart. We went to the next store, same thing, went to the next, same thing. We did this four times. She finally looked at me and said "I am so fat I can never be beautiful" and walked away by herself. Oh my...I just literally sank.

I remember those disappointments as a kid, as a teen, as an adult. I started my weight loss journey almost a year ago and have struggled like crazy since Christmas. I started this journey for myself but more for her. To let her see me lose weight, to let her see me eat healthy and feel satisfied, to let her see me happy with my physical appearance. Once again I have failed my daughter. Instead of being a positive influence on her, I have let her eat whatever, whenever she wants. How could I do that as her mother? How could I let her look at herself as not beautiful?

It is true that over-weight people are seen in a completely different light. Not just lazy, but as out of control, weak, selfish. That is not my daughter! She is so strong-willed that there are times I think she will explode if she doesn't succeed. She has a heart just as big as her will. She will give up her last possession to someone that just voices their desire for it. No matter what.

We did end up finding the "perfect" outfit but it was nothing like she had envisioned two days ago. She is happy for now. It is only temporary if we don't get her weight under control. This is my vow as of right now, I am doing everything humanly possible to help her. The only way I can truly do that is to help myself too!

My Half

Today, Garrett and I drove to White Deer to pick up some pork we had processed. As we were driving through the panhandle landscape he started telling me about his "dream" home. He said it would be on a hill overlooking a cliff with a small stream at the bottom. I told him that was all fine as long as he had room for me. He said I would get half. He would put a wall of windows and and glass doors with a balcony so I could see the view all day. (How sweet, right?) We talked back and forth for awhile but he was insistent Guthri would NOT have a place anywhere in the house. I did some quick sad talk and he finally agreed to let her have a small room at the back of my half! LOL The conversation had sort of come to an end when suddenly Garrett says "don't hold me to that, ok?". I just had to silently laugh. He was serious!

Matters of the Heart

You know, there are so many things going through my mind right now but will refrain from "letting them all out"! There are times in a parents life that you feel helpless, heartbroken, or even down right angry. When it involves your child and their own faults or mistakes you work through it together. You become a stronger parent. BUT, when it involves others who find it necessary to pull and tug on your child's heart or emotions then this mom may just come out fighting. You better just hold on! There is no way I would turn back the clock and become a preteen or teen again for any amount of money. Ggggrrrrrrr! There....I feel better!

Good Morning

It's Saturday morning and I was awakened at 7:00 a.m. by a 9 year old little girl that announces, "Good morning! I'm going to make a surprise for you!" Then leaves the bedroom. Hmmmmm......was my thought but drifted back to sleep. About 5 minutes later, I hear pans clanking in the kitchen. I thought I was dreaming so drifted some more. But very shortly I realize she is in the kitchen COOKING! I hopped out of bed to find a smoking pan, eggs dripping down the cabinet and all over the counter and egg shell in 'the bowl'. All I could think was "come on, it's Saturday and I want to sleep!" She just looks up at me with those innocent eyes and says "I wanted to surprise you and make breakfast for ME." How was I to get mad? Needless to say I cooked her scrambled eggs with ham and cheese, cleaned up the mess and made jello that she requested for later when she wanted a snack. But in the end I was still thinking "come on, it's Saturday and I want to sleep!" :(

Awwwwww....Peace & Quiet

I am sitting in "my chair" with no sound except the ceiling fan in Garrett's room and the heater. How heavenly is this? I had taken today off to see Dr. Green about my mysterious pains and had moved an afternoon hair appointment to the morning. Because of my little episode last week the afternoon Dr. appointment is no longer necessary but the morning hair appointment is quite essential! So, kept my "day off" and I get to enjoy about an hour of peace & quiet. Do you ever get to the point that you just need quiet? I do!!!!! It just puts peace in my soul...no phone....no kids...no TV...just me and my thoughts. I know some day I will miss all the hustle and bustle, the fighting, the complaining, the noise, but for now I am going to soak absolutely nothing in. Have a great day!

50.8 and Counting!

Well, I finally did it. I hit the 50 lb mark (weight LOSS that is). That is a whole sack of feed! OMG.....What was I thinking letting myself get that far out of control? I can't look at the past or mistakes. I have to look forward. I feel so much better and can't wait to feel even better. Maybe it won't take me as long to lose this next 50. Whatever! Just a life process I guess so will just take it as it comes. I CAN DO THIS!
(Just wondering if Dr. Green would believe this excuse??LOL)

Senior Ring :(

Back in September Garrett ordered his senior ring and it about did me in. Well, yesterday that silly ring came in and off the HS we went for a ring ceremony. I really did fine with it because he was so happy. All the Juniors were just all smiles about the adventures before them. It was a very casual ceremony and just a time to recognize the kids and their "new" style. Today, Garrett walks into my classroom wearing that silly ring and my heart sank.

There are days I could kick him straight out on the sidewalk and smile the whole time. Then there are days (like today) that I can't believe this time next year we will be getting ready for graduation. Seems like just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital with a houseful of guest to help us celebrate. He cried all night (colic) and we paced the floor all night just trying to help him. I knew that night he was mine forever. I would give my life to protect him or to make him happy. Garrett has always been special. There is just something about his personality that can grate on you like no other while your heart is melting at the same time.

I guess it is inevitable that he is growing up and soon he will go off to make his place in this world. I just pray for his safety, happiness, and success (just not too far away LOL).

Valentine's Day

Every year Lonnie and Garrett are off at the San Antonio stock show on Valentine's Day. Boooo! This year I thought they were actually going to be home and how fun that was going to be. BUT, NOT, they are leaving on Valentine's Day. Guthri and I are a little bummed! But, we did come up with an early Valentine's idea so tonight we are having dinner at home, we made banana pudding (L's favorite) and maybe will rent a movie. We'll see.

I just have to say that no matter when we celebrate or don't celebrate I am one lucky gal. Lonnie and I have been married for over 20 years and have faced some trials; however, I think we are stronger today, more in love today, better friends today! What a blessing he has been to me. My life would never be what it is today without him.

Hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day. What are you planning? Just remember that is not the only day to let those you love know how precious they are!

New Character Trait?

I am serious here so read with whatever attitude you want!

I do believe we are all born with character in some form or fashion. It is just one thing that we all have the potential to build or to destroy. However, there is one that as we grow older we completely destroy by our own doing. Have you ever noticed that children can be treated like they are dogs and have no clue? Other kids can just lam-blast them or ridicule them and they just go about their happy lives like nothing ever happened. Now, I know that at times they get upset but in the end everything is good, it is fine, like nothing ever happened. I call this OBLIVIOUSNESS. What a blessing to have. I am serious.

When Garrett was little he was completely oblivious that someone did not like him. I used to feel sorry for him because he had no clue. But later I saw it as a blessing for him. Now part of his obliviousness is ADHD but the other part was just not worrying about what others thought. It really affected him in no way on what you thought. How blessed was he?!

I wish I could be more like that. I wish that I could just be oblivious to others actions, their hateful remarks, their dishonest talk. I guess over the years I have chosen to throw that character trait out the window. Not a good thing. I am working on restoring that trait and I hope you do to!

A Good Time was had by ALL!!

This past Saturday (29th) was Guthri's 9th birthday. :( She is growing so fast! She is a completely different girl today than she was just two short years ago. Still takes my breath away for her to approach situations with confidence and determination.

For her birthday party she wanted something different. So, through the suggestion of a friend, we planned a surprise "Come as You Are" party! Too fun! I contacted all the parents to let them know what was headed their way. On Saturday morning I woke up Guthri and two friends she had spend the night at 6:30 a.m. They were not thrilled since they didn't go to bed until 1:30 a.m. We loaded up and made our first stop around 7. I will have to say that Ansley was the best sport of the day. She woke up laughing and laughed all morning. We made six more stops and finally made our way to the bakery. Spent about an hour doing all the birthday festivities (doughnut cake included) and those silly girls wanted to head out to WalMart! We had a blast. They found the hula-hoops so we had a hula-hoop performance right there in the isle. They were so funny. Kaleigh was the champ. 3 hoops at a time and almost had 4 going!!! Woo Hoo!

The party was simple, exciting and just fun. Loved spending time with my daughter and her friends in their "truest" form. It was just a fun morning!!

Well....He Won!

At Garrett's high school they have a PRIDE program once a six weeks. Those students with good behavior, good attendance, no tardies, etc...may have an opportunity to participate in a game with the chance to win some pretty cool prizes. Garrett was asked to "play" yesterday at the 3rd six weeks program. He got to choose a partner to help and he chose wisely!!! The game was to put on three different pairs of sweats and then go to each end of the basketball court and make a lay-up. Now, Garrett is not an athlete in any sense of the word so he chose Jacob Darter (one of the all-time basketball stars...hee, hee, hee...smart kid!). The senior girls team actually beat Jacob but they didn't understand the rules. The basketball player HAD to put their arms into the arms of the sweats but they only put the top around the neck. :( Poor girls BUT lucky Garrett :). I do believe he owes Jacob at least a coke!! Maybe I'll get him a Sonic card or something. See Garrett's prize... a Sony stereo! Have to say that thing has played non-stop since he got home. It has a dock for his iPod so makes it just that much better. Does my heart good for him to "win"!

Sags & Bags

Well, I have really worked at this weight thing but fell of the wagon during Christmas. Set me back several pounds but I hit it hard again and I am back on track. BUT.....with the weight loss comes the saggy skin...baggy eyes...droopy arms! OH IT IS JUST NOT NICE! Seriously under my chin looks like a deflated balloon! I am trying to exercise a little so maybe that will help. If not....anyone know a good plastic surgeon? LOL

Good Bye 2010

Everyone makes New Year's Resolutions and in the past I will have to admit I did to. I wrote them down, posted them on the frig, put them in my checkbook, put them on my computer....tried it all and never seemed to stick with them. So for several years now I just didn't do it at all. Didn't want to fail at one more thing. This year I am looking at it a little differently. Instead of making resolutions I decided to get rid of some things from 2010. I like that idea. I am a little OCD with clutter and throw everything away so this is right up my alley!

1) WORRY: Quit worrying about everything. I question everything I do. How do others perceive it? Will I succeed? Can I financially afford it? You name it, I can worry about it!

2) OBLIGATIONS: As a family we have decided to let go of some obligations. Not to each other but to organizations, activities. Let someone else do it for a while so we can focus more on our family, our well being, our souls. It's amazing how obligations can engulf your life and completely destroy what you have built. It has been hard for us to make the decisions we have but completely necessary for our family.

3) TIME: Not get rid of it but find it. My kids are growing so quickly and I am missing so much. I have allowed my time to be stolen by other obligations and have left my own family to raise themselves.

4) OPINIONS: Let my heart guide me and not my head. This is a hard one for me but opinions are now in the garbage!

Not only am I throwing things out the window but I am taking some time to look over this past year and see the successes.

1) My marriage is stronger than it has ever been. I have a spectacular husband that continues to work on our relationship and cherishes the life we have built.

2) Garrett is maturing into such a great young man. He has always been a blessing with a challenge. It seems maturity is kicking in and a tad of responsibility is poking its head through the teenage fog! I know he still makes mistakes and will continue to do so but all in all he is a good kid and knows right from wrong and wants to do the right thing. I am a proud mom!

3) Guthri....well what can I say about Guthri? WOW! She is nothing what we thought she would be like 3 and 4 years ago. To see the progress she has made in self-esteem, school, personality there are just no words to describe her. She has a tender heart like no other, yet the fight of a mad bull. That is exactly why she will be just fine in this world!

4) Mine and Lonnie's parents are aging and we are blessed there have not been any major health issues for any of them. They continue to provide us with examples of how we should live. Completely blessed to still have them for us and our kids.

Well, I hope your 2011 will be all you expect. If not tweak it a little and make it what you want!