Why Me?

Not sure if it is the time of year or just something that is always in the back of my mind but today it has been weighing so heavy on me. Do you ever wonder why God chose you to have the life you live?

Why do I have wonderful parents that always took care of me? That love me unconditionally? Why do I get to have an awesome husband that loves me the way I am, provides for our family without question or resentment, and is a fantastic dad? Why did God bless me with a beautiful boy to raise as my son? Did he know I would mess up daily? Why is there a perfect little girl I get to call my daughter? What did I do to deserve these blessings?

There are so many other people in this world suffering and have no one to love them or even meet their basic needs. So why did God choose me to live such a blessed life and not them? Something that I will always wonder!

It's been a great day!

Today was the annual livestock clinic that Lonnie puts on for anyone showing pigs, goats, sheep, rabbits, or chickens. He truly is in his element when he is working with new families and teaching them about his passion. I loved watching him talk to them all and teaching those kids about show ethics. When they broke into sessions, Lonnie took the swine kids all over the barn teaching them everything they need to know from unloading to cleaning up at the end of the day. More than anything, I loved seeing Garrett work right along with his dad. Those two worked seamlessly together and seemed to know what the other was thinking before anything was said. It was heart-warming seeing them work together. The sweetest thing was watching Guthri hang on his every word! She stood right next to him and spent most of the morning looking up at him and soaking it all in. Just too sweet!

We came home and just ate a quick lunch and then everyone just retreated into their own rooms and it was such a peaceful afternoon. Watched TV, took a nap, folded a little laundry and that is about it. Great day!

We have a demon in our house!

Now, I normally don't believe in demons, ghosts, paranormal things but I am at the point that I believe that is all it could be. Seriously! You see there are things in our house missing. Completely, 100% missing. They are there one day and gone the next. It is more than the dryer eating the socks. It's earring, necklaces, dishes, hairbrushes, caps, jackets, pens, pencils, bills, food. Just disappears. No one has seen it and no one has touched it. It's just gone. No matter how hard we search things are never found.

Tonight, Guthri and I searched for over an hour for her DS. It is gone! The only answer to the mystery is the demon had to have taken it. What else could it be?

(I am sure you all have the same demon at your house!)

There should be more like him!

You know Lonnie is the quiet type but I am not. He tends to stand back and watch and soak it all in while I jump in with both feet, ready to take the bull by the horns most times. (Ok, you can laugh now because you know it is true.) There are times that his personality can be quite frustrating for some and even make people down right angry. I will admit it has caused quite a few "heated" discussions at our household but in the end I always know he is right.

Lonnie may not be the quickest to react or the loudest one to fight for what he "wants" but I can promise you that he is the honest one, the true one. I can honestly say I have never known him to lie, to cheat, to be dishonest or even to fudge a little. When one of his co-workers retired a few years back she said he was the agent with the most integrity of any agent she had ever worked with. That says a lot. She had once been a district director!

Even though he can frustrate you with his laid back personality you should know that he ALWAYS does what is right for everyone. He never looks out for himself first. NEVER! I am proud to call him my husband and so proud that my kids have such a wonderful example as a father. If there were more men like him in this world life would be so easy!

36.8!!!

I haven't been real open about my weight loss efforts but decided to share anyway. I started Weight Watchers back in June and truly laid off the entire month of August BUT I have lost a total of 36.8 pounds! Woo Hoo....yay for me! Not sure why I decided to even start but the great thing is that I did start and I am actually sticking to it.

For those of you that do not suffer from being over weight or do not understand the frustration of trying to lose weight...count your blessings. I have fought the battle my entire life. One day I was watching my daughter eat MORE than I did and it was an eye opener. She was headed down the same exact path I had walked as a kid and it had to stop. Can't stop someone by words alone so maybe that is why I chose to get the weight off. Don't know. I have committed to getting healthier and to feel better about my appearance. Some days I think my appearance holds me back socially, professionally and even personally. Just time to do something about it.

Well, I said it and now anyone that reads my blog knows and it will probably jinx my efforts! As loud as I can be I truly like to be private about all aspects of my life (unless I choose to share) so this is a big step!

Detour

Today on the way home I had to take a detour off my usual route. As I turned and headed down streets I never even knew existed I saw things I did not want to see in my own town. Houses that looked like shacks, barefoot children in diapers filthy sitting on a broken down porch, cars sitting up on blocks, trash piled 4 or 5 feet tall in the front yard. Just not something I thought about existing in Childress. I know there is poverty here, that is obvious, but the type of poverty is rarely seen. If I had not been in my own car, on my way home, I don't think I would have realized I was in Childress. It was that disturbing.

I passed by an ex-student's house and he was sitting at a broken metal patio table propped up with a stick in an old metal chair seat on a tree stump. He was so engulfed in his school computer that he didn't even notice a car coming down the street. I had been to his house before but had never really noticed his neighborhood. Just made me kind of sick to my stomach. Even though, I was thankful he had the computer and free Internet access, it really means nothing to him. Did he have a clean bed to sleep in? Did he have a bed at all? What was he going to eat for supper? Would there be someone there to fix it? Really hit me hard.

So...as I traveled my detour, I got a whole new "look" at Childress. Not something I was proud to see.

Woo Hoo Guthri!

Well, that little blond headed Dyslexic daughter of mine went and did it! UIL.... Little stink has been so worried about trying out for UIL teams and wanted to do "something" so badly that we spent a few hours in tears last week with me trying to convince her to not try and her trying to figure out what she wanted to try! I just didn't have enough faith!

Last week she tried out for Music Memory (her teacher is the coach) and guess what...she made the top 6. I am so proud of her I could burst. Now, I know most parents are sitting there thinking "so?". But, if you know Guthri you understand. One year ago she could barely read. Two years ago the child would not even look up. Three years ago I drug her to her Kindergarten class screaming at the top of her lungs to just pass her off to the teacher. She has come a long way, baby!!!!!!!!!

Just goes to prove I put limits on everything. She is a dreamer! Love it!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

It is no secret that this school year has been extremely tough on me (and so many of my teacher friends). Seems that new curriculum, new reading books, bigger classes, deadlines, new guidelines for intervention, new guidelines for grading has just taken its toll on me and I allowed it to take away my joy of teaching. I have been working every Saturday to get my job done and I felt deprived of time with my own family. Not what I signed on for when I decided to go back to school to get my teaching certification that is for sure!

Today, I caught myself getting all overwhelmed with time restraints and expectations and trying to take care of my own children. I was e-mailing back and forth one of Garrett's teachers to work out a problem and in the end I told her to not "sweat the small stuff". Because truly what I was trying to work out was "small stuff". Nothing life shattering, nothing that would predetermine the future. It was just "small stuff". Truly!

Shortly after that last e-mail I took my kids to the restroom and was standing in the hallway waiting on my kids, making sure they were quiet and in a straight line and I noticed something. Not one of kids was smiling. They were standing almost at attention with straight, somber faces. They are only 8 and 9 years old for goodness sake! What was I doing? How was I ever going to teach them if I did not have a relationship with them? They needed to know my love BEFORE they knew my knowledge. It just tore me up inside. I have always loved teaching and my favorite part is getting to know my kids. They become my children for the rest of their lives. YES....even the ADHD kids, the misfit kids, the gross kids, the shy kids, the ugly kids (and you know there are just some), the dirty kids, the smart kids....they ALL become mine. I had spent the last 4 weeks with 21 kids that I did not know. I knew them no better today then I did August 23. Shame on me!!!!!!!

We went back to the classroom and began our reading lesson. I had them open their books, we did all the pre-reading stuff and they all just sat there raising their hands so politely and waiting their turn. Never in my class have I thought it necessary to raise hands! I love for kids to call out answers to show me their excitement. I just started saying "anyone" and they know that means "go for it". Answers and ideas started coming at me like gang-busters. It felt so good. We started reading and stopping almost every sentence to talk, to learn together. I got to tell them stories, they got to tell me stories. I SAT ON A STUDENT DESK (heaven forbid) with my feet in a chair at that! It was the most awesome time I have had with my students this year. It was amazing. They opened up and showed me who they were because I opened up and showed them who I truly was.

I have been telling myself all day to quit "sweating the small stuff" even if it means I don't get it all done! There are only 3 things I truly think are "big things":

1) my soul
2) my children and spouse's soul
3) my relationship with others so they can see Jesus in me

That's it for me.....no more "small stuff".

My Wedding Ring

This past week we went to South Padre Island for Lonnie's annual convention. Had a great time on the beach and visiting various places on the island. We were all exhausted but was so looking forward to Wednesday afternoon and evening of family time. We were to go to the beach for the last time and then go out to eat somewhere nice all together. Got up that morning while Lonnie attended his last meeting of the week and went shopping with Guthri and another agent's wife. Just for about an hour but had a great time!

Everything had been so fun up until I fell (whole new post). Didn't get to go to the beach that one last time but I was determined we would go out to dinner. Made myself shower and put on makeup and get dressed in "nice" clothes! Went to put on my jewelry and my wedding ring was not there. I started panicking and looking everywhere. Long story short.....my wedding ring is gone! We tore that room apart. Lonnie thinks it fell into the trash can and we dumped trash twice that morning.

I am just sick....On Wednesday, August 11, 2010, we will be married 20 years and I lose my wedding ring?! My heart is broken........:(((

Homemade Ice Cream Recipe

Here ya go Melissa!!

4 eggs
2 c sugar
1 pkg Instant Pudding (any flavor)
I pkg Dream Whip (I have made it without and it is fine)
2 Tbls vanilla
1 box half & half or cream

Mix all ingredients, beating eggs well. Add enough milk to canister to fill.

When we want banana nut I use banana pudding mix, 1 c chopped pecans, 3 mashed bananas, & 1/2 tsp. banana flavoring. Mmmmm.....Mmmmm.....

The 4th

Usually my family is headed to the mountains of Cloudcroft NM for an annual family camp out this time of the year but we opted to stay home. It is supposed to rain non-stop through Monday in Cloudcroft soooo we wanted to stay dry and have a bed on legs! LOL We've made some fun plans to pacify the kids so maybe it will still feel like the 4th of July.

Tonight or tomorrow night we are headed to Wellington to see Karate Kid at the Ritz. Garrett loves this movie so just a no brainer to keep us entertained. Still can't believe my 16 year old has agreed to go with us...he probably won't sit with us but that is ok....Guthri will beg to sit with him so maybe L and I can just watch the movie for once!!!

We will buy fireworks and pop some around the house. Garrett gets mad because we won't let him get any rockets. Don't want to set a fire in the pasture so have to be careful! I remember one time L bought Garrett some little tanks with firecrackers in them so when lit they would roll down the sidewalk. They were really cute and I thought they would be fun too, BUT when they lit the first one, it took off like a rocket down the sidewalk and jumped onto the porch and tried to come in the house with me! (It was raining and Guthri was an infant and asleep in the house, so I had to stand in the doorway!) Learned our lesson.....turned that thing around so it would go out into the driveway!

We were supposed to go swimming every day but the weather is not cooperating at all. I told them we would go today anyway but it is just 74 degrees! They are not swimming in that! We'll figure something out.

Going to get steaks to grill on Sunday and everything to make homemade ice cream. Just fun afternoon playing around and doing what we want for a change.

Sleeping in on Monday and just hanging around the house! Woo Hoo!!!

Have a great 4th and take the time to remember why you are free!

Count Your Blessings....Name Them One by One

On Sunday we were singing Count Your Blessings at church. I was sitting in the pew with my husband and my daughter while my son was serving the Lord's Supper. It just tugged at my heart so hard that morning! I am going to count my blessings one by one and you can read all of them, read none of them, but I need to count them today.

1. I am married to a terrific man.
2. He is faithful.
3. He accepts me the way I am.
4. Garrett is a straight gift from God.
5. He is bright, funny, loving, and tender-hearted.
6. Guthri was the surprise of the century!
7. She is as beautiful inside as she is on the outside.
8. My parents loved me enough to raise me as a Christian.
9. They still love me.
10.They adore my husband and my children.
11. I have a job that I love.
12. I get to try and impact a kid's life every day.
13. My church is a spectacular place to worship.
14. I have opportunities to help others.
15. My friends are real and love me anyway.
16. I have so many mentors in my life that I learn something new every minute of every day.
17. All those mentors have a special place in my heart.
18. No one is in charge of my destiny but me.
19. I get to listen to my family argue.
20. I get to clean up their mess.
21. I get to see them succeed.
22. I get to see them fail.
23. I get to make memories with them.
24. My love for them will never end.
25. I have so many blessings that I cannot list them all!

3/4 Family Night

For almost a week now Guthri has been asking for Saturday night to be Family Night and we all watch Toy Story and Toy Story 2 together. We agreed and went on about our business. Finally figured out yesterday that it was because Disney had been advertising it as "Family Night". Anyway, I asked her what she wanted for dinner and she said "hamburgers that daddy cooks." So, headed to the store to get all the supplies and came home and cooked. They were awesome! Toy Story came on right as I took my last bite. Guthri was already sitting on the couch waiting patiently!

We just finished Toy Story and now #2 has started. I truly am tired of sitting here and would love to go on to my room and watch something that I like. But, she is soooooo happy that we are sitting in the living room with her (even though we both have our laptops open and "working").

Tonight we are missing Garrett (hence the 3/4). He is at my parents spending some time with them. So for now, Guthri has us all to herself and is just pleased as punch!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Just thinking today how lucky Guthri is to have so many friends. This morning as they were getting ready to load the bus for Wonderland I could hear the giggles and the shrills of excitement coming from all those girls. Guthri has been blessed with two friends since she was about 2 years old, Ashley and Brandy. Through it all they have remained friends and love spending time together. As they have gotten older, they have made different friends and are completely content with each other having someone else to play with. It's a true blessing to see my daughter surrounded by love. She has other "friends" that are special to her also. Harold and Juanell serve as "Childress Gramma and PaPa" and then of course there is Miss Chloe.

Just wanted to post some pics of her and her friends. Brought a smile to my face as I was looking through them today and thought it would bring a smile to yours. Enjoy!

TAKS

As a 3rd grade teacher, I feel like I live and breath TAKS!! Year after year it is the same ole' story and the same ole' routine. I desperately search for ideas to make it more appealing and to give it a true learning experience and I think I am making progress but still same ole' drill and kill toward the end.

Yesterday, 3rd graders took the math portion of the test and today they took the reading portion. The teachers I know despise these days as much as I do. It is complete torture on everyone involved. (which happens to be every employee and every student at our elementary campus) No way around it affects everyone....from the kids taking the test, to the teachers administering it, to the hall monitors, to the classes not testing, to the custodians, to the cafeteria workers. It just engulfs everyone's life for those days.

The part that bothers me the most about the TAKS test is that it goes against all the teacher instincts I have. It is natural for me to look over a student's shoulder as they work. It is natural for me to see a mistake they are making and talk them through the process. It is natural for me to ANSWER a question when a student ask one. It is natural to comfort them when they are struggling. On the TAKS tests I CANNOT DO ANY OF THAT AT ALL! It is just flat-out not allowed.

Today, I had a student literally hitting himself in the head (not hard). I went to ask him if he was ok and he asked me a question about something he should have known. He is a smart kid and he had tears in his eyes. You know what I had to say, "I cannot help you with that. Just do the best you can." GIVE ME A BREAK! He is 9 years old and is completely losing it because for whatever reason he had a lapse of memory at that given moment. I said my little scripted statement and walked away with tears in my eyes! How can I do that to one of my students?

I think about my own children and it makes me sick to my stomach. Garrett does fairly well in school and TAKS has never been anything but a major inconvenience in his life. But what if he was that smart kid with a brain lapse? Guthri is Dyslexic and does ok but she has some hard roads ahead of her and what if she needs just a little reassurance DURING a test and her teacher cannot help her? I just cannot stand it!

It has been a horribly long couple of days and I know by next week it will all just be a bad memory, again. But, it is real and no one is waking up from this nightmare any time soon!

I Love My Kids

Don't know why but today I am just thinking about how much I love my kids and wanted you to know. They are not perfect...they can be rude...they can be mean...they can be disrespectful...they can push every button I have...they can be messy...they can be gross...they can be lazy...they can break things...they can smart mouth with the best...they can fail...they can suffer...they can be hurt. But most of all they can take my heart at any given moment!

Where do you draw the line? Or do you draw it at all?

In today's world, people are exposed to many different personalities and life styles. I have always prided myself in being open minded to others yet conservative and strict in my own beliefs and behavior. Seems these days I am challenged daily to come out of that mind set and see things in a new way. I still can't decide if looking at things differently is the right thing to do.

I want my children to behave and when they don't I want others to help me teach them. I want to help even if it is not my job and expect others to do the same. I want to denounce sin and not associate with others that openly live in it. I want to pay my own way and don't understand those that don't. I want to do the right thing at all times and can't imagine thinking it is ok to not. You see, this is who I am or who I want to be.

So, how do I throw myself into those fires that I know will fry me to death? How do I help those that refuse to help themselves? How do I sit back and watch person after person stand with their hand out and cuss me when I don't put something in it? How do I befriend someone wh has a drinking or drug problem? You see, these are my daily struggles!

I do believe Jesus loves all but I do not believe He accepts all. When He taught, He did not only teach to Christians. He taught all. He gave us all guidelines to live by. He gave us all freedom to choose our destiny. He expects us all to follow Him and live His way. You see, this is my line that I do not know where to draw.

Where do I draw that line of acceptance or tolerance? Only draw the line for those that call themselves Christians? Draw it for everyone? Don't draw it at all? Lord, I pray you help me understand what you want from me. I have many tugs going on in my heart (or maybe my head). Please understand I am not condemning or claiming to be perfect for You know I am not. You have granted me forgiveness when I did not deserve it. You have given me acceptance when I could not accept You. You have tolerated me when a good swift kick would have probably been more beneficial! You did not draw that line. Maybe I just answered my own question but I need guidance and understanding and an open heart. I need Your strength as I struggle through this life!

Passwords

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming!! I feel like my life is cram-packed with "stuff" which leaves me no time to breath. Here lately it seems that I need my computer more and more to do things. I love technology and would not live without it but have you ever noticed that EVERYTHING you do on your computer requires a password??? I mean really....bank account, blog, e-mail, various memberships, debit card, school work, etc....the list could go on forever. Now I understand the necessity but I am lost in a sea of passwords. So not only do I have all of these matters to take care of with technology, I now have to remember EVERY password for EVERY account I may have. I am drowning so fast! Any suggestions on how to keep them organized and still secure? I am serious, it has become so overwhelming the last two weeks that I am completely losing it. None of them are the same because each log in requires its unique criteria for passwords.

Someone help me. I am drowning in mine, yours, ours, and theirs!!!

Just Sitting Here Remembering

Early this morning Lonnie and Garrett drove off to Fort Worth for the stock show. Can't describe the feeling I had as I watched the taillights of the truck disappear into the fog!

Garrett is now 15 (16 is just six short weeks!) and has been to the stock show so many times he knows the grounds by heart. He loves going and it truly is where his complete interest and drive lye. I hugged him this morning and told him and I loved him and sorry I couldn't go. He so sweetly turned and looked at me and said, "it's ok. I understand." Gave me that sweet grin and headed out the door. Just for a split second I saw the little boy that used to climb into my lap and tug on my earrings and say "pwetty". Oh, my heart melted completely to my toes and I had to just lean against the wall to hold myself up.

The day I saw Garrett for the first time, I had that same exact feeling. He stole my heart long before he was born but the day I saw him he melted it right to my toes. He has always had that quality about him that made me just melt. I know most kids do that to their moms but he became part of me the very second I knew about him. His every move became mine, his every want became mine, his every challenge became mine. He became mine!

I miss getting to go with him to the stock shows. It is wonderful to spend time with him while he does what he loves. He has two years left for showing so I am making it a priority right now to commit to going with him next year to them ALL! It may be whirlwind trips but I will be there. I am not going to miss another show and a chance at my heart melting to my toes!

Good Gravies!

Ok, some of you will think "Good gravies, Kim, where have you been?" and some will be like "really?" after I post this.

For years and I mean years I have heard about Pioneer Gravy mix. Even had three pouches in my pantry that Guthri and I picked up at the San Antonio Stock Show (can't resist those freebies!) last year. Well, last night I was baking chicken strips. Yes, they came from the frozen food section at United. Anyway, I also made mashed potatoes and Guthri asked if we could have graby (that is how she says it). I was like, "ummmm......no, I don't have any oil from frying to make it with." Guthri walks away kind of disappointed but no big deal. I just kept thinking about it and remembered the Pioneer Gravy mix I had in the pantry. Pulled out a pouch and read the directions. Wasn't too sure how it would taste because it was made with water!!! Made the stuff in less than 3 minutes and WOW, it was great! Got up this morning to discover no school so immediately went to making sausage, gravy and biscuits. You guessed it, I used the other two pouches of Pioneer Gravy mix and just poured it in with the fried, crumbled sausage. All in 8 minutes! Absolutely the best biscuits and gravy I have eaten in a long time. I liked it so much better than the gravy that I make. Even felt less guilty for eating it because I knew it wasn't made with grease!

Now, I want to make it clear I know I could make gravy with any oil and it does not have to be left over from fried food. But, never taste the same so don't like to do it.

Just wanted to pass on my "new-old" find!