It is all adding up!

This year has been extremely busy with trips to the hospital! I had knee surgery last summer and thought "hey, we can pay this out and no big deal." Well, December comes up and I have a huge infection on my face and had to spend the night in the hospital. Turns out I have nasty fever blisters! Guthri to the ER for a medication reaction. Garrett to the ER with a broken toe. Then Garrett has trouble with his hand turning purple. A trip to the Norhtwest Texas ER and two specialist, one CT scan, one heart sonogram, and two dopplers gave us NO answers. Lonnie hurts his shoulder so there is an MRI. Phew!!!!!

We always take the gamble of the high deductible insurance and this year we LOST BIG TIME! When Lonnie had his MRI he was under the impression that we had met our family deductible (you would think, wouldn't you!) Anyway, got a letter today that we hadn't and there goes another $1,000! The trip to NWTX cost us $1,838 because they were "out of network". We have just chalked up an enormous amount of medical debt.

I know all the rules, pay ever cent you can to reduce the debt, make an agreement with the hospital for a lower amount in cash, pay the lowest off first, etc..... Right now it is just overwhelming! I love our hospital and think they are the best so I feel more obligated to them than the others but I can't stand to only pay $10 a month to the others. Ugh!!!!!

I am just depressed about it and I feel like it is taking over my every thought, my every move. School is coming up and we all need clothes, shoes, supplies. Show season starts in September and Garrett needs money for pigs. It is all mounting up!

Now, I had someone say "Garrett doesn't have to have those pigs. It isn't a necessity." Really? Does their son have to have football? Does their daughter have to play volleyball? I can promise if you put pen and paper to it, we come out way cheaper!!! Just a little side line....

Just needed to vent a little. I know it will all work out and there are solutions, I just need to take the time to sort through it all. Thanks for listening!

Ring...Ring....

Lonnie's phone rings off the wall all day long. He uses about a thousand minutes a month on his cell phone. When the phone rings at home, it is for him. (except when MY mom calls) Now, I admit I am not very nice when his phone rings here at home and he is taking care of business. It is a daily affair so you would think I would just get over it. But, no not me!

Years ago I threw away the answering machine because it was always full of messages from telemarketers! I just figured if you needed us then you knew us and could call our cell phones. Right? Anyway, we do have caller ID so that is good enough for me.

Yesterday on the way home from Cloudcroft, I told Lonnie I could not believe his phone had not rang in three days! He said, "I know, it is weird." He checked it to make sure it was working and that was that. This morning I check the caller ID and NO ONE had called the house. Now, that is weird. I caught myself scrolling threw calls and practically hoping for a new call to show up. Nothing....it really bothered me that no one had called. Not even tried to call us. What is up with that?

I am never satisfied!

A Life of Service

Lonnie and I have both chosen professions that calls for us to serve others. Most jobs have some service involved but ours seem to be consumed with doing for someone else. I'll admit there are days I absolutely despise having to help someone else when I need help myself. I become bitter and resentful because everyone wants something. All times of the year are busy for us, there is no down time.

Yesterday, we were unloading drinks from the back of Lonnie's pickup for the upcoming concession stand. It was hot, I was sweating, Guthri was fast asleep in the back seat of a hot truck, and those silly cases were heavy. I felt myself getting hotter and hotter. Not physically, but mentally. I looked over and there was a 4-Her and his mom sitting at the stop light looking our direction. All I could think was "Well, don't just stare. Come help!" When they drove off I was fuming.

I started to say something when I looked at Lonnie and sweat was rolling off his face. He just kept picking up one case right after the other. He never said a negative word. He never grunted, even though he has a hurt shoulder. He just did his job because that is what he is supposed to do. Some times I hate it when he is right!

I had to take a step back and rethink my feelings. Why was it any less my job to unload those drinks than anyone else? Had we called anyone for help? Did that 4-Her and his mother have somewhere they had to be? Maybe my SERVICE ATTITUDE is not what it is supposed to be.

Jesus set the example of a life of service. He never complained, he never cared that he sweated, he just did what God wanted him to do. We are commanded to serve others. Whether it is volunteering or our job we are to live a life of service.

I Will Never Get Used to It!

Lonnie's job is demanding and there are some times that it seems he only has time for his job. This last year has been extremely tough because he has not had a co-worker and it has ALL fallen on his shoulders. He takes his responsibility very seriously and always wants things to be perfect. His obligations doubled this past year, so he has been on the road more than usual.

I am so proud of his accomplishments, his awards, his appointments. He is chairman of so many committees that I cannot remember them all. He is a director for his professional organization. He has been honored to be appointed to a leadership program called S.A.L.E. He is a busy man!

Today, he left for the District 3 Horse Show for three days. As usual, this morning he was finishing up his packing, helping me get Guthri ready and I was running out the door for school. I ran back to the bedroom to kiss him good-bye and we were gone in our separate ways in no time. By 5 o'clock this afternoon, I was missing him terribly. This is his 3rd trip in three weeks. He usually leaves in the morning or during the day when I am at school, so sometimes it is hard to remember he has left town. When things slow down at night, the kids and I really miss his presence. Today, Guthri was laying on the sofa and she said, "mom, I miss dad!" It almost made me cry. I know how she feels. Just a few minutes ago Garrett asked, "When is dad coming home?" Lonnie's absence has become so regular we have begun to forget to tell the kids he is going out of town! I keep thinking I will get used to him being gone so much, but no way. I will never get used to it!

Penny Pincher

During the summer I have more time to contemplate our "budget" and all the frivolous things we tend to spend our money on during the school year. Usually, we are in survivor mode during the year and just do whatever it takes to make it through. But summer arrives and I start to freak on our lack of self-control in spending. This summer is no different. I tend to freak out over money and I would have to say I am maybe a little more paranoid than normal.

I have started thinking about the next few years that are heading our way and all the changes (expenses) we will incur with a teenage, college bound driver. I am so nervous. In just 9 months Garrett will need a car. He will need gas, maintenance, INSURANCE!!! It just gets worse. That will be a drop in the bucket compared to college expenses!

So, in the tradition of things I have started my coupon clippin', bargain shoppin', hagglin', and just plain penny pinchin'. Lonnie went with me to the grocery store yesterday and I think I completely embarrassed him. I was handing over those coupons like they were gold and making sure that the sale prices were correct at the check-out. He just stood there and looked around. Our grocery store has a game going right now and I even took a complete strangers tickets because she didn't play the game! Lonnie never said a word. As we were leaving the the store someone was selling raffle tickets that we had agreed to purchase earlier. Of course you getter a better deal with the more you spend (ie....6/$10 instead of 1/$2). So Lonnie says "$10 worth." I stop dead in my tracks and say "What? No. Just one ticket will be sufficient." I know I completely humiliated him!

I hate being this way. I don't mind being thrifty but when it comes to embarrassing my family, I have to sit back and chill!

Organization

Years ago, I considered myself one of the most organized people I knew. EVERYTHING had a place and if it was out of place, I was completely messed up. Closets were neat and cleaned out regularly, dishes and silver were stacked according to size and use, clothes were hung in the closet according to season, color, and purpose. Poor Garrett had to have his toys in a certain location IN the toy box. He would dump everything out and I would spend hours putting it back in the perfect way so it would all fit. I desperately tried to teach him to do the same but a slob he was and a slob he will be FOREVER! I was completely anal!!

Now, I can't find my nose. My house is just piles of papers that I don't know what to do with, items that don't have a regular purpose are just laid wherever they fell, discarded furniture is thrown in the barn...I have just let it all go. I am not sure why or when it all started but it still drives me crazy. I would say daily I am saying "we need to get organized". Then, I just sit there in pure confusion about what to do with it all. We need storage so badly but can't seem to find exactly what I want, if I even know what I need!

It seems when my "physical" life is unorganized so is the rest of my life. We have five calendars that we post appointments, commitments, etc...but I still forget appointments or obligations. EVERY day I have to search high and low for Guthri's shoes, shampoo and hairbrush. It is EVERY day! Why can't I just put them where I know I will find them?

We have coat hooks and shelves by both doors but they are loaded with anything but caps, jackets and bags. Right now there are shopping bags hanging from the hooks by the back door so there is no place to put my purse. So...it is sitting on the dining table. The computer blew up a couple of weeks ago so the hard drive is sitting by the front door waiting to be discarded. It is like I want to get rid of it because it is ruined and cannot be fixed but then I think "all my records, pictures, documents all lost. I want them back." so I can't get rid of it. The basement is like a rummage sale. Things are thrown everywhere. Our laundry room is in the basement so it is a challenge to get to the dryer!

I truly believe I need to hire a professional organizer and just let them organize my house so I can have an organized life again. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff and actually be able to be productive. I have been looking on-line for suggestions and can't seem to find anything that would fit our house or our life style. I am not giving up though. Some day organization will be back in my life!!!

We are just boring!

I read all these blogs of families traveling here and there, doing all kinds of fun activities and I look at our family and think, we are just boring! I read about making smores over a trash barrel (how fun is that!), joining the country club for golfing and swimming, taking small trips just for fun, going to the movies......Everyone is doing something but us!

Part of it is because we are busy right now and Lonnie seems to be headed 500 different directions and he is never home. Part of it is because I am teaching summer school. Part of it is because Garrett has not finished Driver's Ed. Part of it is because the month of May was so busy we have lots of "house chores" that need to be taken care of (Not like we've done anything, but we do have them to do.) Part of it is because we are just flat out boring.

None of us can make a decision on where we want to go or we just can't agree. July 4th weekend we are supposed to take an annual camping trip to Cloud Croft, New Mexico but already Lonnie and I are coming up with excuses to not go.....tents and rain don't mix! But, then I think we will just sit around here doing nothing so would rather face the rain and mud. We make excuses because of money, but it is amazing we can come up with the money for other things. We say we are just tired and ready to stay home, but that is just not true for me. I am sick of staying home. None of us are fans of lakes or oceans and we really don't like the hot weather, so summer fun is difficult for us.

I think our biggest issue is just not agreeing on what to do. Lonnie's convention is in San Antonio this year so he thinks a couple of extra days in the SA area constitutes a vacation. I would like to take two or three small trips plus SA. Guthri just wants to go back to Wonderland! Garrett doesn't care as long as we do something! Can you tell we are an indecisive family? No one will make the decision and if I do and things don't go well, then I feel guilty! No wonder we are so boring!

Maybe an epipheny will hit me soon that will make everyone happy!