And yes, They are different.

As time goes by I have learned to embrace my kids differences instead of trying to mold them into the same person or a "Jenschke child". It has not always been easy for a conformist like me but I am learning. One kid needs to be praised constantly for a job well done while the other is proud of themselves and holds that pride well. One is scattered and hops from one project to the next while the other is meticulous and a perfectionist. One breezes through school as if it is just a minor inconvenience in life while the other struggles and works harder than anyone thought possible. One is a teacher pleaser and adored by most that come into contact with them and the other well, lets just say they challenge everyone they come into contact with! Ha! One can grate on my last nerve and then give me that grin and I melt all over again. The other, melts my heart constantly and then gives me that sass and my nerve is shot. One I can look at with anger and tear the soul of this kid while the other I could beat all day long and scream until I have burst a blood vessel in my head and they would skip off giggling. They are just different. It is so difficult to deal with because I tend to see the worst parts of me in my kids, so when I see it I want it fixed immediately. But, they are who they are and God made them that way. They don't need to be fixed! I have to celebrate their personalities and thank God for their strong convictions and love for Him. It been a rough week and as one of those kids heads off to college I am sure it is going to get rougher. I am having to really preach to myself that those differences will prove that kid successful some day. It's not easy!

It's Been a Looooonnnggg Time!

Seems here lately I haven't really had anything blog worthy so have had a little writer's block. Not sure I have anything today but have lots on my mind, so here it goes.

School year started off with a bang! Garrett is a senior so the emotional rollacoaster has started. One day I want him out and gone as far as he can drive, the next I want him to sit in my lap and never leave. Tears seem to fall more frequently at all the little reminders that he will soon be on his own and no longer "my little boy". :( Guthri, is in 4th grade and growing so fast. She has become so confident and independent that it almost makes me sad. I am happy she is discovering who she is and is proud of the person she is. But, I see her in my mind in a cap and gown way too quickly, too! I moved to 2nd grade this year and was way excited about the move. I will admit it has been tough. Learning something new is time consuming, emotional, and flat out hard. Guess it gives me an insight to what my students go through every day. I find myself working more and more hours, stressing more, more confused, more frustrated. I know it will all work out and I am loving my team but just need things to smooth out quickly. But of course, I teach school in Texas so not sure it will ever smooth out!Lonnie is without a co-worker so it all falls on his shoulders. He is running ragged and needs our family's help more than ever. It takes us all to get it done. I can't think of the last day we did not have one obligation or another. Just tired and need a break for us all.

Garrett began working at Wal-Mart in June. He really does not enjoy it but he knows he has to have a job. (Sorry, we're poor!) It's hard that we don't get to have supper as a family most nights. Found out yesterday he has to work Thanksgiving Day and the day after. Boooo! Not sure what the thinking is that a teenager needs to work Thanksgiving Day. Of course we have no family here so if they can't come here we won't see them. It will be the first Thanksgiving ever that I have not been with my parents. I know it is necessary and as a parent I have to support my son and encourage him to be a good employee but part of me wants him to quit. Not reality so just have to deal with it. Not easy but we will. Part of life's changes.

Guthri went to the 4-H District Food Show yesterday. She didn't place and it tore her heart out. But, what she doesn't realize is how far she has come. Just a 7 months ago we couldn't get her to open her mouth in front of people. Yesterday, she interviewed (with a quite a few nerves) and told them all she knew. She opened her mouth and tried. I am very proud of her. Wow!!! It just blows me away sometimes on the person she is becoming: absolute sweet, kind, tenderhearted, strong-willed girl. She gets her determination from her daddy and I thank God for them both daily!

This is completely changing course and this has NOTHING to do with my job:

Not sure where parents have allowed kids to be so outspoken and disrespectful but I hope our society wakes up very soon to understand that we are losing our kids quickly. The last few months I have witnessed kids say and do things that I just can't believe. Where did they get the idea that they had the right to say those things or do those things? The biggest kicker is the parents playing stupid or defending them. Really? You know, Garrett has been put down, ridiculed, made fun of for his behavior at times and we have worked like crazy to help him be a better person. Yet, these kids do what they do and everyone just says "Well, you know how they are. Their parents let them get by with it." Uuuummmmm..........no! So, from now on, I have no respect for those parents or those kids. I'm done!

Well, you can see it has been a while and my mind is going in a thousand different directions. My Senior English teacher would not be proud! Ha!

Friendship

Last night Lonnie and I had the pleasure of traveling to Fort Worth to the wedding of some dear friend's son, Karson. When Lonnie and I were first married, Kelijohn and Jerry where like our "marriage mentors". We loved them desperately and adored their son, so being present for the start of his new life was just something we wanted to be part of. I had contacted other friends, Jim and Cindy and asked them to meet us for dinner beforehand and was so excited to see them. It had been at least 5 years since we had seen then face to face and it was just amazing to put my arms around Cindy and hug her. Just felt so comfortable. After dinner we all headed to the wedding. As we were driving through Fort Worth, it hit me. Not only would Keli and Jerry be there and Jim and Cindy but many other friends from Stephenville that we had not seen in years. I began to think back to the years we lived there and how much joy we felt there. It was heartwarming. Soon after entering the chapel, familiar faces started to appear and smiles and hugs just came one after the other. We spent the entire reception making our rounds and seeing wonderful friends that we had not seen in years. It was completely rejuvenating to my soul to see them all. We literally did not want to leave the chapel after the wedding. It was a completely euphoric feeling. We did leave and just smiled all the way to the hotel. As we were getting ready for bed we were talking about everyone and how exciting it was and that we realized how much we had truly missed them. Brought a small tear or two and a few heart tugs but Lonnie said it best when he said, "The best part is: when we were visiting with everyone it was like we just started up right where we left off." Wow! That was exactly what it was like. This morning we met up with Keli and Jerry to have breakfast and we visited for almost 2 hours. It felt so natural and just like we had just decided to go to breakfast one morning.

I realize I may never have friends like that in my life again, but I know that all those Stephenville friends will be in my life forever. I hope that you are fortunate enough to have that bond of friendships. Even if they are not part of your everyday life just remember when you meet up you can start up right where you left off!

We just have more options...

Lately I have been beating myself up over money woes! Seems like every time I turn around we need $100 here, $200 there. Just seemed to overwhelming. I have been researching internet, satellite, phone & cell phone service and was just about to explode with anxiety over the whole mess. We spend over $375/month for these services and it is just too much. I worry about things like this all the time even though I know it does no good. Last weekend as I was making ANOTHER list of options I was thinking "How did my parents do it? My mom didn't work full time and my dad's job was just average so how did they afford cars, clothes, horses, cattle?" Just made me feel like I was so irresponsible because I couldn't offer my kids the same opportunities I had.

Today I visited the Verizon store to see what other options we had and found out we qualify for a discount so felt better there. But as I was looking at new phones it became overwhelming again. My head was swimming! Good grief...if we all get the phone we want (the kids are just getting plain phones) it is going to be around $800 to walk out the door!!!!!!!! My gosh! So again I start the whole "how did my parents do it?'

Then I come home and both my kids are on their iPods ($450) while Garrett is watching his TV ($400), Guthri is watching our TV ($800) while sitting next to her DSi ($240), I am on my computer ($1250), all while Garrett and I are talking on our old cell phones ($350). So, I think back to my parents. They had one TV in the living room. There weren't any iPods, cell phones, computers or video games. So even if that TV in the living room was the most expensive one on the market it still would not add up to all the "stuff" we have and that is not counting the provider fees we pay each month.

So I came to the realization that it isn't that we are any worse off financially we just have more options. So instead of horses and show cattle my kids have iPods, DSis, TVs, cell phones, and computers. Not sure if that is a good thing or if I am willing to do anything about it so for now will be satisfied with the realization that we just have more options!

Oh my!

"The greedy man curses and spurns the Lord" (Psalm 10:3-4)

Wow has that been so true the last few days. Won't give lots of details but lately I have seen greed in others that I just have to stand with my mouth open. Not sure where anyone gets the mentality that their needs (well, not even needs, more like desires) are any more important than anyone else. Literally had a woman say, "Well, if that kid doesn't have the money then they don't eat." Seriously?????? Uuuummmmm....I've paid for several "wealthy" kids meals before because the PARENTS didn't take care of business and send them any money. Her kid included! I just have to pray. I don't know what else to do. Tried explaining and it did NO good. Tried arguing and made it worse. Tried being "fair and equal" but wasn't good enough. Thank God my husband can handle those situations much better than I can. He just smiles and does what is right. My eyes have been opened wide lately on what is wrong with this world! Not pretty at all!

A Failed Mother

This weekend our family went shopping for clothes for a special wedding we are attending this next weekend. Guthri had a certain dress in her head and just knew she would look gorgeous in it. We started picking dresses in two or three sizes. Went to the dressing room and NONE of them made her feel gorgeous. She cried and cried. Broke my heart. We went to the next store, same thing, went to the next, same thing. We did this four times. She finally looked at me and said "I am so fat I can never be beautiful" and walked away by herself. Oh my...I just literally sank.

I remember those disappointments as a kid, as a teen, as an adult. I started my weight loss journey almost a year ago and have struggled like crazy since Christmas. I started this journey for myself but more for her. To let her see me lose weight, to let her see me eat healthy and feel satisfied, to let her see me happy with my physical appearance. Once again I have failed my daughter. Instead of being a positive influence on her, I have let her eat whatever, whenever she wants. How could I do that as her mother? How could I let her look at herself as not beautiful?

It is true that over-weight people are seen in a completely different light. Not just lazy, but as out of control, weak, selfish. That is not my daughter! She is so strong-willed that there are times I think she will explode if she doesn't succeed. She has a heart just as big as her will. She will give up her last possession to someone that just voices their desire for it. No matter what.

We did end up finding the "perfect" outfit but it was nothing like she had envisioned two days ago. She is happy for now. It is only temporary if we don't get her weight under control. This is my vow as of right now, I am doing everything humanly possible to help her. The only way I can truly do that is to help myself too!

My Half

Today, Garrett and I drove to White Deer to pick up some pork we had processed. As we were driving through the panhandle landscape he started telling me about his "dream" home. He said it would be on a hill overlooking a cliff with a small stream at the bottom. I told him that was all fine as long as he had room for me. He said I would get half. He would put a wall of windows and and glass doors with a balcony so I could see the view all day. (How sweet, right?) We talked back and forth for awhile but he was insistent Guthri would NOT have a place anywhere in the house. I did some quick sad talk and he finally agreed to let her have a small room at the back of my half! LOL The conversation had sort of come to an end when suddenly Garrett says "don't hold me to that, ok?". I just had to silently laugh. He was serious!